Like a Lady or a Gentleman

Your cellphone rings in a crowded movie theater. Do you answer it? Do you walk out of the theater to take the call? Should you have had your ringer off?

You are invited to dinner. What do you bring? What do you wear? What if you cannot attend?

What is the difference between a salad and dinner fork, and what is suitable etiquette at the table?

In this series, you will learn a number of practical ways to improve your etiquette—know what to say and when to say it—what to wear and when to wear it—and know what is, and is not, suitable behavior in a given situation, among other tidbits of knowledge that will help you become more of a gentleman or a lady.

In Times Past

Etiquette, as defined by Merriam and Webster’s, is the “conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life.” A gentleman, defined from the above-referenced dictionary, is “a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior.” One definition of a lady is “a woman of refinement and gentle manners.”

Although these definitions may sound snobbish, or irrelevant to anyone who is not wealthy or of royal heritage, in layman’s terms, etiquette is simply a standard of how to interact with others based on concern and thoughtfulness.

Just a handful of decades ago, most were familiar with these definitions. Proper behavior and manners were widely taught and practiced. (Although past ages were in no way perfect, our society has lost much basic knowledge pertaining to good manners.) Certain conduct was once expected from people. Most knew what was and was not acceptable.

This is no longer the case. Today’s standards regarding morals and social graces have been either watered down or thrown out. Western society has largely devalued, or redefined, the gentleman or lady. Correct etiquette is no longer expected, especially from the current younger generation.

For instance, many talk on their cellphones extremely loudly in public places, not thinking to distance themselves from others or lower their voice. Informal and casual dress for formal events is tolerated. Numerous other examples could be given.

Why So Important?

Does it really matter that etiquette has changed so drastically? Are there benefits in striving to attain certain gentlemanly or ladylike qualities?

One benefit that comes from learning and practicing these simple principles is that our confidence is strengthened when we know how to handle a situation. We can enjoy life without worrying about wearing, saying or doing the wrong thing.

Also, knowing right conduct develops your whole personality, helping you become a well-rounded person. Another benefit to learning proper conduct, whether at a wedding or the dinner table, is that you will have a positive reputation, untainted by rude or inappropriate behavior. You might also be taken more seriously.

Finally, when you respect others (for example, holding open a door for a stranger at a restaurant), they feel valued. The individual will usually reciprocate this treatment back to you. Kindness and genuineness is recognized and appreciated.

Although it is easier to ignore these guidelines, after putting them into use you will find the benefits of using proper etiquette far outweigh the time and effort put in to learning them.

Guidelines Based on Principles

Realize that etiquette is not a list of rigid rules to be adhered to. In fact, most of the guidelines in this series are based on general principles rather than strict laws. They are about practicing a certain way of life, showing outgoing concern for others, as opposed to a list of “dos and don’ts.”

The overall goal of adhering to proper etiquette is to think of others before yourself, develop character and become a balanced, well-rounded person. Strive to always be mindful of how others feel. Human nature is self-centered. Make every effort to combat this tendency and to be considerate of others.

If you practice the guidelines outlined in this series, to appear in future issues of AMBASSADOR YOUTH, you will be on your way to a more successful, abundant, happy life!