A True Friend

It is often difficult to see how ancient biblical characters teach lessons about situations in everyday life. But when fully illustrated, these personalities do teach about modern life.

Picture this: King Solomon was the ruler of Israel, a thriving and powerful nation reaching from the Euphrates River to Egypt. This nearly 300-mile stretch of land experienced relative peace. Solomon was the master builder of the physical Temple in Jerusalem, one of the grandest buildings in the ancient world. He was also the architect and developer of a massive palace for himself, which took over a decade to complete. He controlled the treasury of Israel at its national apex—amassing gold, silver, ivory, horses and linen from surrounding states. He also wrote hundreds of individual sermons, psalms and proverbs that are still read today.

While working toward his incredible achievements, this same king also befriended and advised other powerful rulers surrounding Israel. Using charm and wit, he swayed many of his deadliest adversaries, ultimately forging friendly alliances. Despite all of the incredible feats he accomplished, King Solomon still found the time to show himself friendly to others—both for and against him.

In the book of Proverbs, King Solomon recorded his view of having and keeping friends. Proverbs 18:24 states, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

This seemingly modern statement came from the king of Israel almost 3,000 years ago.

When Solomon speaks about showing yourself friendly, it means putting forth effort and first becoming a friend to others!

Since Solomon’s time, not much has changed. The foundational rules of friendship still apply. Before he can have friends, he must be friendly toward others—which can form a tight-knit lasting bond!

Showing Yourself Friendly

Solomon recorded, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly.” An important aspect of being a true friend is showing openness to others—then practice genuine effort at getting to know them!

The first step to every friendship is the introduction, “Hello my name is…” Don’t assume that someone else will first initiate conversation. Take responsibility and be the first to extend your hand to someone else.

Often it is the first step that prevents people from getting to know others. The fear of it not working out is so strong that they never even try. But if one overcomes this obstacle, then it is the second step—thoroughly getting to know the other person—that develops the friendship. Mutual communication is the only way to ensure this.

If you have seen two people who always seem to get along, there is a good chance they didn’t start out that way. Although they can now share experiences and stories together, this took time and each had to work at getting to know the other’s personality.

At some point, each of us has likely known someone with whom we regrettably lost contact. This could have been a friend from high school or summer camp. We initially intended to stay in touch with them, but for some reason couldn’t find the time. It might have seemed like a close relationship, but it turned out to be a disappointment. Weeks, months or years may have passed and you realized that you no longer knew anything about this person.

In the case of a true friend this can’t happen!

Today, there are a myriad of ways to stay in touch. Be determined to take advantage of cellphones, email or snail mail to stay connected. Set aside time to initiate or respond to the communications that have come in from friends over the past weeks. Make sure to not forget or omit anyone who has contacted you. (To learn more about Church guidelines, be sure to read “Instant Messaging – Communicating in the 21st Century.)

However, with the relative ease of these devices, we need to be sure to use them correctly. Strive to reflect quality in all you do. Develop well-crafted letters that thoroughly engage others. Remember the goal is to convey meaningful thoughts and receive a thoughtful and meaningful response.

When emailing, include an introduction, body and conclusion. Begin by addressing your audience and close with your name. Following these rules will bring depth to your communication, and help others understand you!

Remember: If someone took the time to contact you, take the time to respond. Otherwise, don’t expect to hear from him or her much longer. While we all have busy schedules, remember the example set by Solomon!

A true friend is made by the quality of communication, not the amount. One cannot make or keep an existing friend without talking about something substantive. Strive to get to know the other person and understand life from his point of view. You will end up finding more out about the person than you ever thought!

One bedrock rule from Proverbs 18:24 is that if you are not willing to attempt to be a friend you will not have friends. Your mindset should reflect your willingness to initiate conversation, whether spoken or written. You cannot assume that others want to be your friend—otherwise you may never have friends. Be proactive about friendship; you will be glad you were!

Do not become discouraged when first meeting others. Forging a friendship takes time. It is not something that happens overnight! Soon you can look forward to sharing stories and experiences with others. But for now, focus on the opportunity to show yourself friendly!

Closer than a Brother…

Different beliefs and one’s outlook on life can be one of the biggest obstacles to overcome for almost any friend. Realizing that your beliefs are different from almost everyone at school, work and sometimes even home can be a hindrance to any friendship and sometimes cause feelings of isolation, even depression. Do not be dismayed by this. Finding common ground with someone else is what can bring about the closest bond. Nowhere is this bond stronger than among teens in the Church, who are in nearly identical situations.

The shared experiences of peers in the Church can be one of the greatest sources of strength. These stories and experiences can bring any two different people together. Realize that many young people in the Church are going through similar circumstances. Whether it is negative peer pressure or not participating in sports or other activities on the Sabbath, almost all young people in the Church experience the same adversities.

Despite many teens being scattered across the world, not always able to see each other, make it a point to keep in contact with those your age. Due to the struggle against pulls of the world, sharing these stories and experiences offer a plethora of topics to write about in letters or speak about on the phone.

For those who attend a congregation with other young people, make it a priority to stay in touch with them. Making this effort, with someone near or far, will provide a conversational outlet that you may not have with others outside the Church. Unlike school friends, friends in the Church can provide an unbiased view of your life. A true friend, who is closer than a brother, will remind you that you are not alone in life—even though sometimes it may seem that way.

An Example from History

When Solomon stated, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother,” he knew exactly what he was talking about. Now almost 3,000 years later, the rules of friendship have not changed. The wise ruler understood that even though making and maintaining friendships is a daunting task, it produces companions who are as close, or closer than family. He knew that this wasn’t something that happened overnight, but took time and effort. If Solomon was willing to pay the price, how much more should we!