Turning Peer Pressure on Its Head

Is there anything worse than dealing with negative peer pressure? You know the feeling: being pushed by those you thought were friends to do something you know is wrong. Your gut tells you that it goes against everything you believe, but everyone’s eyes are on you. What do you do?

The pressure to conform builds. Soon, thoughts of consequences for not following the crowd become so painful that it may seem easier to give in.

Such moments can make you feel as if you are standing in the middle of a stadium with 100,000 people staring down at you awaiting your decision. You feel alone. Seconds can seem like days as you scan through two apparent options in your mind: follow the crowd or escape to loneliness.

No one likes being ridiculed. No one likes being the “odd man out.” Most desire to be liked and accepted. Because of this, the pain of rejection can gnaw at you—and make it easier to go along with the crowd.

This is peer pressure. Your peers—classmates, acquaintances, co-workers—push you to do something wrong. Classic examples include someone coercing you to take drugs or drink alcohol.

For teenagers in the Church, however, peer pressure often works differently. For you, anything that can make you belittle, downplay or betray what you believe so you can better fit in, constitutes as peer pressure.

These kinds of situations may seem to come out of nowhere. You could be happily eating your lunch in the school cafeteria during the Days of Unleavened Bread and all of sudden…BAM! Someone asks a question that puts you on the spot: “Why are you eating that funny-looking bread?”

Or it could happen after you leave a classroom before a holiday party—“You don’t celebrate Christmas?”

Other times questions may come in sequence—“Why aren’t you coming to the dance on Friday?”—“Why haven’t you asked anyone out?”—“Do you even like girls?”

Similarly, when someone questions your beliefs, if you do not say the right thing (Should I ignore them or give a direct answer?) or act the correct way (Should I smile or have a serious expression?), the exchange could end badly.

When faced with such situations, a timer seems to tick down 5…4…3…2…and the pressure is on. Flustered, you must make a decision regarding what to say, knowing full well that the wrong one could have terrible results.

Yet it does not have to be this way. You can learn to diffuse most tense peer-pressure situations. More important, you can learn how to often avoid them all together.

Just Say No?

The Bible is clear about how to react to peer pressure. Proverbs 1 states, “My son, if sinners entice you, consent you not” (vs. 10). Also, Exodus 23 says, “You shall not follow a multitude to do evil…” (vs. 2).

These and similar verses can make it seem as though the only way to combat peer pressure is to, “Just say no.” But this is not the case. The Bible is bursting with examples on how to take an active approach against negative influences.

The story of Daniel makes this clear. When he was a teenager—perhaps around age 17—he was selected for a rigorous training program sponsored by Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon.

Notice the qualifications for those chosen: “[Youths] in whom was no blemish, but well favored, and skillful in all wisdom, and cunning in knowledge, and understanding science, and such as had ability in them to stand in the king’s palace, and whom they might teach the learning and the tongue of the Chaldeans” (Dan. 1:4).

While the language from the King James Bible can make these traits difficult to understand, each of them is worth exploring.

“In whom was no blemish” and “well favored”: This means having a pleasing appearance as well as being physically fit and well groomed. The Hebrew term for “well favored” can also mean good, pleasant, happy, agreeable, distinguished and kind.

“Skillful in all wisdom, and cunning in knowledge, and understanding science”: Teenagers selected for this program were good students. They pushed themselves to excel.

“Ability in them to stand in the king’s palace”: They had good manners, and were able to interact with and show proper respect to authority figures.

“Whom they might teach the learning and the tongue of the Chaldeans”: They were teachable and learned quickly.

Since Daniel was clearly an exemplary teenager, what did he do when faced with a potential go-along-with-the-crowd situation?

The next verse reveals it: “And the king appointed them a daily provision of the king’s meat, and of the wine which he drank: so nourishing them three years, that at the end thereof they might stand before the king” (vs. 5).

The “king’s meat” was unhealthy food that likely included unclean meat such as pork.

Notice Daniel’s reaction in verse 8: “But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king’s meat, nor with the wine which he drank: therefore he requested of the prince of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself.”

Instead of staying quiet and eating what he knew would make him sick or making a scene by snidely declaring, “I don’t eat pig!” Daniel chose a different path. First, he “purposed in his heart” to follow God’s Way. Second, he went to the man in charge and respectfully asked for something else.

In verses 10-15, the prince of the eunuchs said he could not fulfill the request, but the teenage Israelite persisted. Finally, he and his friends were granted the ability to eat “pulse”—the food they desired instead of the more unhealthy items.

Those in charge noticed that it made them stronger than everyone else. From then on, everyone in the training program was put on a healthier diet.

Instead of succumbing to negative peer pressure, Daniel turned things around. He had a real impact on his surroundings by employing a sort of positive peer pressure.

Think again about the characteristics needed to be part of the special Babylonian training program: well-kept, pleasant, happy, kind, industrious, good-mannered and teachable. In addition, Daniel would have lived a life marked by giving to others. He would have taken an interest in the lives of those with whom he interacted. He would have been helpful and followed instructions.

Daniel’s dynamic personality made everyone’s life a little better. You can similarly impact those around you. While you almost certainly will not be able to convince your school cafeteria to start serving pizza with turkey pepperoni and whole-wheat crust—a giving attitude goes a long way.

Learning to employ positive peer pressure will take time, but it will significantly diminish the incidences of people questioning your beliefs. In addition, when those moments do come, it will help you to be more equipped to face them head on.

Finding Favor

Many think they can evade questions about their beliefs by being a wallflower and avoiding contact with others. Yet this approach usually only serves to make them seem like odd outsiders—and invites teasing and ridicule.

Because you live God’s Way, you are different. Yet while you should not base your life on forming worldly friendships, you should not completely shun them either. Your goal should be to be likable while not compromising what you believe. Look for common interests that you share with those with whom you interact. A great way to do this is to find something you enjoy and strive to excel in that area.

Look at David’s example. When he was a teenager, he pushed himself to be a musician and athletic. People knew about his skill. Notice: “Behold, I have seen [David] a son of Jesse the Bethlehemite, who is skillful in playing, a man of valor…prudent in speech, and a man of good presence; and the Lord is with him” (I Sam. 16:18, English Standard Version).

David excelled at playing a musical instrument, he was physically fit and well-spoken, and had a pleasing appearance.

You can do likewise. It is not wrong to be involved in various school activities. Certain clubs that may help you succeed in a chosen career field, such as farming or being a business professional, can be beneficial and give you opportunities to grow that you might not otherwise have had.

This also applies to playing an instrument. While you may have to sit out for certain performances or perhaps not be part of the school’s marching band, you can still demonstrate your dedication by diligently practicing and taking part in whatever aspect of the music program you can.

One young man, who grew up in the Church, played in band throughout high school. He rested his instrument on his knee while the rest of his peers played Christmas songs. Another girl only participated in her school choir’s spring concert since the winter one focused on Christmas.

Esther was a teenager when she married the king of Persia. Being Jewish in a foreign land, she knew what it was like to be different. Still, she found favor with the ruler of the land because of a positive personality. The Bible shows she was both “fair and beautiful” (Esther 2:7).

Again, this is not just speaking to her physical appearance. In the account, Esther is brought before the king along with the most attractive women in the nation.

What made her stand out? The Hebrew word translated “beautiful” here is the same as “well favored” in Daniel 1:4. This means she was also good, pleasant, happy, agreeable, distinguished and kind.

Make sure that you stay in good shape through regular exercise, comb your hair, iron your pants, and that you do not wear clothing that invites persecution. While it is difficult for girls to find outfits that are not too tight or revealing, you do not have to go into the other ditch and wear anything that appears to be from the 1800s or that is tomboyish. Strive to be feminine.

In the same way, even though boys should not wear clothing that is overly baggy or too tight, neither do they need to wear a suit and tie every day.

When people see your clothing, they should not think of you as someone who tries too hard to follow trends or tries too hard to break them. They should instead consider you as someone who is put together and whose appearance is not overly eye-catching or frumpy.

One college-aged girl in the Church actually helped a few of her peers view clothing from a different angle while shopping. As they pulled out various styles for her to try, she told them that she would prefer something “classier.” In the end, she actually influenced them to dress better!

This can happen with your speech as well. It is common for peers, family members outside the Church, or co-workers to use vulgar language, tell dirty jokes, or swear. Once others hear you speak and realize that you do not do this, they will often tone back their own language or even apologize to you to for using certain words.

Attitude Is Everything

Even after Esther gained the favor of the king and all those of the court, when she disclosed that she was Jewish, she did it wisely and carefully. This enabled her to be highly thought of by those around her and helped her gain great favor.

You never know when God can help others grant you favor and look past your “strange” beliefs. Teachers will often make exceptions if they see that you are generally a good student who is focused on helping others and learning. Since so many teenagers are rowdy and disrespectful, they may show you favor when it comes to leaving for the Feast of Tabernacles, for example, because they know that you will work hard to make up the time.

You must be careful how you come across, however. Teenagers in the Church sometimes unknowingly antagonize classmates or teachers when explaining their beliefs. Remember, it is not your job to convert them or show them the truth. If you are asked, concisely explain your beliefs, but avoid coming across as self-righteous. If you respect the fact that others believe differently from you, peers and teachers will usually extend you the same courtesy. As most people today are used to religious “tolerance,” if you are pleasant and kind to everyone, it is less likely that anyone will attack you for your beliefs.

Joseph was still young when his brothers sold him into slavery. His father Isreal would have taught God’s laws to success, and Joseph definitely applied them once he reached Egypt. Genesis 39 states: “And Joseph was brought down to Egypt; and Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, captain of the guard, an Egyptian, bought him…And the Lord was with Joseph, and he was a prosperous man; and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian.

“And his master saw that the Lord was with him, and that the Lord made all that he did to prosper in his hand. And Joseph found grace in his sight, and he served him: and he made him overseer over his house, and all that he had he put into his hand” (vs. 1-4).

Think. Potiphar did not know God’s Way. He would have seen the effects of God’s blessings—success and prosperity—and then given Joseph grace and favor.

People like to be around those who are successful. This is one of the blessings of applying laws found throughout the Bible. Yet it is important to keep a humble attitude when things go right for you. Read or review Mr. David Pack’s The Laws to Success and apply these principles in your life.

This is not to say that you should be surprised if a teacher does not help you. While you may be studious, respectful and exhibit a positive attitude, he or she may still give you a hard time. This is when you must trust in God to work it out and then accept the outcome either way.

You will not always gain favor with those you come into contact. Sometimes you may have to take a stand for your beliefs and be ready for setbacks.

Again, Joseph is a perfect example of this. Potiphar’s wife made sexual advances toward Joseph. He quickly fled the room and ultimately ended up in jail, having been wrongly accused of improper conduct. He took the situation in stride, though, learned from the setback, and ultimately ended up second in command under Pharaoh!

You may find yourself in situations in school where you try your hardest, yet you still have to go through various trials.

One high school athlete was allowed to play on a team due to her skills, but often sat on the bench during games. Because she could not participate on Friday nights or Saturdays, the coach did not allow her to play in any of the games until it was a given the team had lost. Regardless, the young lady still benefited from the daily exercise and self-discipline that came with learning the sport.

Remember, your example may be the only Bible your schoolmates ever read. Show them the positive aspect of God’s way of life by always maintaining a good attitude—regardless of how you are treated—and by extending kindness and warmth to all.

Push Yourself!

To be an effective example to others, your goal should be to have a positive, likeable personality. People are drawn to this. As Proverbs 18:24 states, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly…”

People are often labeled as part of certain cliques according to the activities in which they participate, their social or economic status, how smart they are, with whom they spend time, etc. While others attempt to move between these social groups, you can be different! Strive to rise above these groups and act friendly toward everyone at school. As this is not what many do, your schoolmates will likely admire and appreciate your willingness to do so, even though they may not necessarily show it.

Developing a winning personality requires pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone. While it takes diligent work, do not allow this to discourage you. There are steps you can take to become a real leader—one who exerts positive peer pressure—and affects others in a good way.

To shape a winning personality, you must learn to converse with others—especially those outside your age group, both younger and older. If you can learn to start and carry a conversation, people will desire to be around you.

The secret is to ask a lot of questions and then listen. It may seem surprising but those considered the best conversationalists are usually the ones who talk the least!

Yet being a good conversationalist is just one aspect of a dynamic personality.

Push yourself to be healthy and strong. Others tend to give respect to those who have robust or healthy physical appearances. Jesus was very humble and meek, but He was not a weakling. He would have had a muscular build as a result of years of working as a carpenter.

Be friendly, outgoing and develop an appropriate sense of humor. There is nothing more enjoyable than being around someone who makes you feel good. Become approachable. Learn to smile and laugh. A winning personality attracts people like metal to a magnet.

Learn to enjoy serving others. Everyone has needs. Serving others is the greatest way to show true love and kindness. Search for opportunities to give of yourself in service to others. By learning to serve, you will create a strong bond with people who will appreciate your kindness. As a result, they will bend over backwards to defend you.

Learn about the mind of God. We can learn how He thinks by reading the Bible. He inspired every word in it. God teaches us through His Law and examples of how He intervened in His servants’ lives.

Desire to be around other positive people. You will be less likely to follow a bad crowd toward trouble if you spend your time around others with good attitudes.

Have compassion for others. Understand most people do not know God’s Way and have no idea how to live life properly. Someday, though, all will understand the truth. We certainly do not want to preach to others, but the way we live is a powerful testimony of the God we serve and worship.

Take the challenge of living a life that demonstrates powerful character—one of strength and not compromise. Lead by example and your inner confidence will cause others to follow.

Be Strong and Courageous

Consider the words God spoke to Joshua as he prepared to become the new leader of the nation of Israel once Moses died. Three times God said, “Be strong and of a good courage” (Josh. 1:6, 7, 9). This was after He instructed him, “Arise, go...”

God told Joshua to be strong and of good courage because leading in God’s Way is difficult. It is the same for you. Since everyone else is going the other way, there is tremendous pressure for you to do the same.

But look what God promises if you become an example of positive peer pressure: “…I will be with you: I will not fail you, nor forsake you [quit or abandon you]” (Josh. 1:5).

You will not be alone, even though it may seem like it. God never breaks a promise. He is always with you!

By living a way of life that causes good things to happen, you will find favor in the eyes of others. The world is growing more evil, dangerous and confusing. People are looking for answers and you are learning a way of life that provides those answers. They may not understand why they are drawn to you, but all people like to be around winners.

Exhibiting positive peer pressure is attractive. Determine to overcome the difficulty of choosing to go the opposite direction. Once you have done so, you can positively impact others.

Most people follow the crowd and negative peer pressure because of the fear of standing up for what is right. Do not be afraid to live in a way that pleases God and causes others to follow you!

Be strong and of good courage. Exhibit positive peer pressure!