Do You ‘Despise’ Yourself?

Why is correction so uncomfortable? Think of a time your parents called you out for disobeying them. A note from a teacher telling what you could have done better on a research paper. An employee review at your job revealing where you are falling short.

Such situations evoke the same feelings in us. We squirm, get irritated, and maybe even become defensive. Our natural reactions are often to make excuses and discount what is being said about us.

The reason we buck at chastisement is because it goes against human nature, which tends to want to continue on whatever path it is heading down. No matter how solid the corrective advice, the average person will disregard it and put it out of his mind.

God’s Way is completely different from what you see in the world. Notice what He inspired King Solomon to write in Proverbs 15: “He that refuses instruction despises his own soul: but he that hears reproof gets understanding” (vs. 32).

The International Standard Vers­ion of the Bible translates this verse in even blunter terms: “Whoever ignores instruction hates himself…”

Does this shock you? If you ignore what those in authority tell you to do, it is a form of self-hate!

We are all fine with correction so long as it is happening to someone else. When it knocks on our doors, however, we tend to bristle and pull back.

To avoid despising yourself, you must make a radical shift in your thinking.

Look Beyond

Solomon was one of the wisest human beings of all time. While he did make some huge mistakes in his life, God used this king’s reign to type the peace and prosperity that will be seen in the Kingdom.

Yet even Solomon was once a child. His mother changed his diapers. His father held him tight when he was frightened. And, when he was older, the future king had to listen to the advice of his parents.

Solomon talked about just this in Proverbs 4: “For I was my father’s son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments, and live. Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth” (vs. 3-5).

King Solomon was taught from a young age to listen to his parents. They impressed upon him to never forget what he was told.

If you could talk to Solomon today, he would do whatever it took to help you see the importance of heeding corrective advice. He learned—in the very hardest way!—the importance of heeding the instruction of God and his parents.

The first step in shifting our attitude regarding correction is to examine the motives. Notice whom God says He chastens: “For whom the Lord loves He chastens…” (Heb. 12:6).

God’s correction is a form of love! He wants to see everyone receive salvation. If He ignores the things we do wrong, it means He does not want to see us improve.

Now look at what God commands parents to do for their children: “He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him [diligently].”

It is simple. Diligent chastisement is love. Shirking this God-given command is a form of hate from parents toward their children. This connection is difficult for the world to understand. They believe “love” is the same as tolerance or allowing children to do what they please with little to no correction.

The next time your parents correct you, keep this in mind. They want to help you change the behavior that is leading you down the wrong path. The same goes for any time someone in authority tells you to change your actions.

Whenever chastisement comes your way, remind yourself that your parents love you and want what is best for you. Recall that they are charged by God to nurture you and help you achieve your fullest potential. (Also note that if they do not fulfill this command, they will have to answer to God.) If instruction comes from another adult, remember that he or she likely has your best interests in mind.

By remembering this, you can more easily take the correction, and then work to apply it in your life.

Obedience First

As a teenager, you are heading toward adulthood. You naturally want to stretch your wings and do your own thing. Therefore, being told what to do can make you feel like a child and that you are being talked down to.

If you really want to take on more responsibility, however, you must first learn to be receptive to this instruction. It can seem counterintuitive, but if a parent, teacher or employer sees that you carefully listen and follow through, they will then give you more opportunities to make your own decisions. It is how they learned to grow during their younger years and eventually took on more responsibility.

There is another way to see how listening to others can help you learn to be more responsible. It is also found in Proverbs 15:32, which states “he that hears reproof gets understanding.”

Gesenius’ lexicon defines the word “hear” as “to hear with attention or interest,” “give heed,” “agree,” “yield to,” and “to obey.”

This is not listening casually. It requires a laser-focus on the information you are receiving. This includes carefully considering the words spoken.

Realize that advice does not always have to be wrapped up in correction. It can simply be helpful information or a different way to look at things. This is essentially preemptive correction—and it feels much better than when you have already made a mistake.

Seek the wisdom and experience of those in authority. They have life experience and can help you avoid unnecessary mistakes.

Ultimate Purpose

God corrects Christians throughout their lives. The goal is for them to become more and more like Him in thinking, actions and character. The same is true for you.

While correction is a normal part of life, it does not have to be a negative event. Determine to obey and not push back against those in authority. This skill is unnatural and must be learned over a long period of time.

Teens, remember that your parents correct you in love in the same way God corrects everyone whom He loves.

To truly benefit from these course-correcting experiences, you must reject what this world wants to pump in your brain—“thinking and deciding for yourself”—without bringing God’s mind to the situation. Never forget that ignoring instruction is an act of self-hate.

Take the Proverbs 15:32 challenge. Reject the urge to push back against chastisement, check your attitude, and learn from correction!