Did Jesus Really Tell You to Hate Your Family?

What if someone told you that following Jesus required you to “hate” your parents and siblings?

Actually, He really did say this: “If any man come to Me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters…he cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26).

Why would Christ say something so extreme? What about the commandment to honor your father and mother (Ex. 20:12)? What is going on here?

This verse is not a mistake. Psalm 12:6 tells us that God’s Word is “purified seven times.” If this command is in the Bible, there must be a reason for it.

Luke 14:26 is often misunderstood. At first glance, it seems to go against everything else God teaches about love. But Jesus was not telling you to reject your loved ones. He was teaching something far deeper—a powerful principle about your priorities.

God wants you to actively place your relationship with Him above every other relationship in your life. And He wants you to learn how to do this from a young age.

Understanding what Jesus meant opens the door to a whole new way of living—one where God comes first, and every other relationship grows stronger because of it.

Deeper Meaning

During His earthly ministry, Jesus often said things that sounded radical at first. He did this to stop people in their tracks and make them think. He knew how easy it is to live by assumptions, without recognizing what is truly important.

Luke 14:26 is one of those moments.

Examining the original Greek here helps bring out Christ’s deeper meaning. The Greek word translated “hate” is miseo. It can mean to hate someone or something, but the term has some nuance to it. Miseo can also mean to love less by comparison. Jesus’ focus was not on feelings of anger, but on where your ultimate loyalty should be.

Think of it this way: You love your parents far more than a cashier you might briefly meet at a store. But you do not hate the cashier—you simply love your parents more because of the bond you share.

This is the principle Jesus was teaching. Our love for God must be so strong and unwavering that every other relationship—even our closest ones—comes second by comparison.

Jesus was not telling you to reject or despise your family. He was showing that putting God first is the foundation for loving others the right way.

Benefits of Putting God First

Prioritizing God’s Way brings success across the board: to your friendships, your goals, your choices and your future. Everything God instructs is for our benefit. He wants us to succeed in every part of our lives (III John 2).

When you seek God first, you change how you treat others. You think before you react. You show patience in tense situations. You treat people with kindness and compassion, even when it is hard.

I Corinthians 13 describes this kind of godly love: “[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (vs. 7).

Spending time in Bible study and prayer helps you develop these qualities. These habits help you to see your siblings, parents, friends, classmates—and even difficult people—in a better light. You become more willing to put others’ needs ahead of your own and more patient with their faults.

Letting God guide your life also leads to better decisions. Maybe you want to do the right thing but find yourself making wrong choices. God gives a solution: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Prov. 3:5-6).

Trusting God’s guidance can help you avoid painful mistakes and stay on the path He designed for you.

Building your future around God’s Way also gives you a clearer sense of purpose. Setting goals, choosing a career and planning your life is not about guessing or hoping you get lucky. God promises: “I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end” (Jer. 29:11).

Some people think putting God first means pulling away completely from family and friends. But that is not what Jesus taught. In fact, He set the perfect example of balance: “Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2:52).

By putting God first, Jesus grew stronger relationships with the people around Him. You can do the same.

What About Yourself?

Choosing to follow God’s Way above all else—even family, friends and personal dreams—comes with a cost. Sacrifice is part of being a true disciple.

Think about everyday choices. How much time and energy do you spend on different parts of your life such as school, friends, hobbies and entertainment? Your daily habits reveal what matters most to you.

Following God sometimes means giving up things you care about. Not because they are inherently bad, but because they compete with what matters most—your relationship with Him.

You may have noticed we left out part of Luke 14:26 earlier. Let’s read the whole thing this time: “If any man come to Me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.”

Putting God first not only means loving others less by comparison—it means loving your own life less too.

This does not mean rejecting joy, talents or dreams. It means rejecting selfishness, pride and any goal that would pull you away from God’s plan for you.

Some sacrifices are small: Choosing Bible study and prayer instead of scrolling through social media, avoiding gossip even if it means losing popularity, or staying positive when things do not go your way.

Other sacrifices are bigger:

• Turning down a job at your favorite store because it requires you to work on the Sabbath.
• Letting go of a career dream—like becoming a professional athlete or entertainer—because it would pull you away from God’s Law.
• Saying no to a relationship that pressures you to compromise your beliefs.

Real sacrifice is not just about rules. It is about showing God that He is truly first in your life—especially when it costs you something.

Choosing God’s Way may sometimes feel lonely. But it also brings something the world cannot offer—real peace, purpose and a future full of hope. Every sacrifice made for God leads to something far better in the end.

Biblical Examples of Loyalty

You are not alone in facing tough choices. Scripture is full of examples of men and women who put loyalty to God ahead of everything else—even when it cost them something important.

Jonathan: As the son of King Saul, he faced a tough situation. He stayed loyal to David—God’s chosen king—even though it was unpopular and came at a personal cost. Read I Samuel 20. Jonathan did what was right, even under pressure.

You might be challenged to stand up for a friend—or for the truth—when it would be easier to stay silent. Know what you believe. Build a strong foundation now, because doing the right thing is not always popular.

Ruth: When her sister-in-law turned back, Ruth chose to stay with her mother-in-law Naomi, and to follow the true God. She said: “Entreat me not to leave you…your people shall be my people, and your God my God” (Ruth 1:16).

Choosing God’s Way sometimes means leaving behind familiar comforts, or even long-time friendships that pull you in the wrong direction. Ruth’s courage shows that when you make the hard choice, God opens new doors you could not have imagined.

Abraham and Isaac: God asked Abraham to sacrifice his beloved son Isaac (Gen. 22:1-14)—a test of trust few of us can imagine. Abraham was willing to obey without hesitation, trusting that God would provide a solution, which He did. Isaac, too, trusted his father.

Sometimes following God means trusting Him with your future even when the path seems unclear. Abraham did not know how everything would work out, but he trusted that God would take care of what mattered most. You can do the same.

The Disciples: When Jesus called His disciples, “they forsook all, and followed Him” (Luke 5:11). They walked away from jobs, security and familiar lives because they recognized something greater.

What about you? What are you willing to set aside to walk the path God sets before you?

Putting God first requires sacrifices. But these Bible examples show that those who do so are not forgotten. Their loyalty shaped their futures, and their stories continue to inspire God’s people today.

The Reward of Faithfulness

“Loving less” your own life does not mean it will be empty or boring. It means your life will be filled with the right things—purpose, peace and real blessings that last.

Jesus promised: “Every one that has forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for My name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life” (Matt. 19:29).

Ruth could not have imagined the blessings that would come from her choice. Yet by staying loyal to God, she became part of Christ’s lineage through her marriage to Boaz—an ancestor of King David.

God saw her decision, and He sees yours too.

Ask yourself: Where does God rank in my life? Are there any other priorities that could be keeping Him out of the top spot?

Jesus said the greatest commandment is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength” (Mark 12:30). This love is not just about emotion, it is about what you do every day.

Even small, quiet acts of loyalty matter. When you choose God over convenience, comfort or popularity, He notices. Some choices will be easy. Others will test what you value most.

When those moments come, remember one more thing Jesus promised: “Seek you first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matt. 6:33). The phrase “all these things” refer to the needs in life that are important to all of us, many of which were discussed earlier in the chapter.

Apply Jesus’ words in Luke 14:26 and put God first. If you do, you will not be left empty—you will be given everything you truly need. He will provide for you now, and give you everlasting life in the World to Come.