Biblical Lessons in Childrearing

Parents want to properly raise their children, but the vast majority just do not know how. Reasons for this include: competing responsibilities, the perception that today’s children are “different” from previous generations, or just the lack of a good example to follow.

The timing could not be worse for this dearth of childrearing skills.

Raising children in the modern age is at least as difficult as it has ever been—but almost certainly more. Parents can feel alone in a sea of information on the “right thing to do.” Sadly, they and their children are left to suffer.

Our Pastor General David Pack described the situation in a recent Real Truth Personal: “The family unit is under assault from an ever-increasing array of forces, with children enduring the brunt of the attack. Parents are now facing almost impossible odds against successfully rearing their children!”

Merely being a member of God’s Church does not guarantee childrearing success. Christians above all must diligently apply the principles to “train up a child in the way he should go” (Prov. 22:6). Our children should be the example.

If the idea of raising children successfully intimidates you, do not worry—the Church has an entire book on the subject! Unlike any publication of its kind, Train Your Children God’s Way provides biblically based details on how to rear your children.

Take the time to study and implement the following principles excerpted from the book. Do not feel that it is too late because your children are a little older or you have fallen short in implementing these instructions. Just start where you are and ask God for His guidance.

Teaching About All-important Character

If you were told that there is one thing that you can teach your children that is spiritual—therefore eternal, indestructible and perfect—what would you say it is? The answer is character, once referred to as virtue, the term used in the Bible. Almost no one today values or even talks about character. Yet this topic speaks to the supreme purpose for which every human being who has ever lived was born. Sadly, it is also true that very few have any idea why they exist—why God gave them life and put them on Earth.

You must come to understand—to deeply grasp—why you exist—why you are here—or you will never be able to teach this supreme truth to your children. Once this is clear in your mind, two things will happen: Not only will you find it easier to teach them, but you will also be more eager to fulfill this duty!

Think for a moment about all the things that people pursue in search of success and happiness. Then recognize that not a single one of these things eternally benefits the person who has them. Literally, there is not one of them that “you can take with you.”

Perhaps the number one thing that people seek to accumulate in this life is money. Many people are obsessed with pursuing more of it. But no matter how much they may have at the end of their lives, it will all get left behind.

Directly related to money is the accumulation of possessions. Most people are actually more interested in what money buys—the “toys” it will bring into their life—than in having a certain large number attached to a bank account. Yet, if the saying is true that “the goal is to see who can die with the most toys,” then it is equally true that none of those “toys” can be retained by the person past his lifetime.

The same is true of power. As with money and possessions, many are obsessed with acquiring more and more power, and this usually involves control of additional and bigger companies, and the wealth they represent, and includes the authority to direct, hire and fire vast numbers of people. It can also mean achieving political power. But all of this gets left behind at death as well.

Related to power is fame, which, like money and power, can even be very fleeting in this life. Yet, when famous people die—and their fame may be outliving them in the minds of people still alive—it certainly cannot be taken into the afterlife.

Next would be talents or gifts, and skills. Though related, these are not the same. All human beings are generally born with talents and gifts but must develop various skills. In either case, no matter how gifted or talented the person is or how extensive the skills become, these also get left behind. No one has figured out how to transport them to the afterlife.

Beauty, youth and strength are three additional pursuits that seem to drive the lives of countless millions of adults and growing numbers of children. Finding ways to achieve these things—cosmetic enhancements, Botox treatments, workout routines, diets—has become a worldwide trend and focus. Yet those who obtain any or all of them are doomed to see them fade even before death, with no possibility of taking them past the grave.

The best definition for character I have ever heard comes from Herbert W. Armstrong, the man who taught me much of what I teach you now. It is found on page 138 in his extraordinary book The Incredible Human Potential: “What is perfect character? It is the ability, in a separate entity with free moral agency, to come to the knowledge of the right from the wrong—the true from the false—and to choose the right, and possess the will to enforce self-discipline to do the right and resist the wrong.”

It is your responsibility—your DUTY—to teach your children the absolutely vital, all-important, lifelong pursuit of character development. Character forms the greatest defense that a human being can have against every conceivable pitfall, threat, roadblock and hurdle that life can throw at him.

While this article, or even an entire book on the subject, could not reveal and explain everything that a parent must know and teach regarding character, it covers many of the basics, and these set up the balance of this chapter.

The Value of Work

What has been called the “basic work ethic”—once a way of life for whole generations, including most of each generation—has seemingly gone the way of the horse and buggy. Today’s generation is much more interested in recreation and pleasure-seeking than in productive work. Yet no one has any chance of achieving happiness, success, or any of the basic necessities of life—food, clothing, shelter and certain other possessions—without learning at the deepest level that work, and sometimes hard work, is intrinsic to life.

By having to set goals—and working to achieve them—children will develop a proper work ethic and confidence.

Teach your children the lesson of Proverbs 14:23—that hard work equals production, and is directly connected to achieving success: “In all labor there is profit: but the talk of the lips tends only to penury [NKJV: poverty].”

Also carefully explain to them Proverbs 10:4-5: “He becomes poor that deals with a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent makes rich. He who gathers in summer is a wise son: but he who sleeps in harvest is a son that causes shame.” Stress this principle often, and the many scriptures that support it, taking the time to carefully study them with your children, so that they are deeply internalized. Then gently remind them of this principle when they forget it.

These proverbs were written thousands of years ago. Human nature has not changed since then. Every human being will still periodically be tempted to want something for nothing, and this can include being potential victims of scam artists and get-rich-quick schemes. Many today expect to be given things for free—and in this age, it is as though handouts have become a “right.”

For example, third and fourth generations of families that have grown accustomed to receiving welfare benefits typically develop an “I deserve it” attitude. Whenever there is public discussion of government cutbacks, many act as though welfare belonged to them in the first place. Millions have forgotten that these benefits, deceptively labeled “entitlement programs,” are actually a gift—and that they were never available on a national basis until just a few decades ago. Your children must understand and remember that there is no such thing as “a free lunch,” and that one must work to achieve or obtain everything he needs.

On the other hand, people who work long, hard hours appreciate what their effort produces: steady paychecks, paid bills, a comfortable home and having at least all the other necessities of life.

Ingrain in your children the fact that there is no such thing as getting “something for nothing.” Routinely give them chores and responsibilities. Then, again, check their progress. Vast numbers of children today are not given regular chores, and fewer still are required to actually do whatever minimal tasks they may be given. Tie all or part of their allowance directly to their chores.

Teach them to be self-motivated—to take on jobs and responsibilities without being told. Initiative is a quality that is increasingly disappearing among the modern workforce. Most habitually do as little as possible, or just enough to get by, and then resent those who want to go above and beyond. Tell your children they could face this resentment.

Teach your children the example of the ant, contrasted to the slothful—the lazy: “Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, provides her meat in the summer, and gathers her food in the harvest. How long will you sleep, O sluggard? When will you arise out of your sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: so shall your poverty come as one that travels, and your want as an armed man” (Prov. 6:6-11).

Instruct your children about why they can enjoy hard work! They will thank you for it later. If done correctly, your children will learn to feel guilty if they are not being regularly productive at every job, task, assignment, chore and duty.

Teach the Importance of Wise Decision-Making

Your children will literally make thousands of decisions throughout the course of their lives. Some will be small, others medium-sized, still others large, and some enormously important, and towering over other decisions they will make—for example, whom they marry, when and how many children to have, changing careers, buying a home, and, most important, the decision to pursue baptism and conversion.

How can a generation that knows no limits, sees no boundaries and yields to no rules of ethics be expected to make right, moral judgments?

Solomon was inspired to record, “a wise man’s heart discerns both time and judgment” (Ecc. 8:5). Put another way, this verse states that, in every situation, a person must know both what to do and when to do it.

This verse introduces several categories of people. Consider: Some people do not know either what to do or when to do it. Others know what to do, but not when they should do it. Some others know when something must be done, but do not know what it may be. Then there are those who know what to do and when to do it, but do not have the strength to follow through and carry it out. The final category of people is the same as the last one except that they do follow through on their decision.

Wise parents teach their children how to be a part of the fifth category described here. Here are some points to instill into your children regarding decision-making:

(1) Be sure that they understand the importance of getting all the facts in a matter before making a decision. This process cannot be rushed and your children must be patient in carrying it out (Prov. 15:28; 18:13).

(2) Explain the Bible teaching that a wide variety of counsel brings “safety,” “peace,” “wisdom,” and “purposes that are established” (Prov. 11:14; 12:20; 12:15; 15:22).

(3) Teach your children to establish priorities. This means helping them learn the difference between wants and needs.

(4) The all-important final point is to teach your children to be certain that they are seeking God’s will in the matter—and in all matters. They must understand that everything else, done correctly in the process, is of little use if they are not asking for God’s guidance.

Tragically, millions of people have absolutely no idea how to make right decisions. Unable to break the cycle of making wrong decisions, the result becomes an entire lifetime of bouncing from one calamitous mistake to another.

You hold the power to protect your children from this pattern!

Teach Your Children Respect for All Authority

Let’s momentarily return to something previously discussed. Recall that the Fifth Commandment declares, “Honor your father and your mother: that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God gives you” (Ex. 20:12). When its intent is properly understood, with parents as the all-important starting point, this command extends broadly to respecting every form of authority—grandparents, teachers, police officers, coaches and others.

If you teach your children to respect and obey you, you are teaching them to develop a similar relationship with God. As a parent, you must understand that, to your children, you play this vital role. In the early years, you represent the most that they can understand about the power of God.

When you teach your children—when you correct them—when you encourage them—when you inspire them—you are creating a basis on which they will respond to their Divine Parent later, when they are called.

Teach your children to never show disrespect, belligerence or rebellion, hostility or defiance to authority. The apostle Peter wrote of conditions on Earth just before Christ’s Return: “But chiefly them that walk after the flesh in the lust of uncleanness, and despise government. Presumptuous are they, selfwilled, they are not afraid to speak evil of dignities” (II Pet. 2:10).

The modern age could easily be called the age of disrespect and rebellion. Make no mistake. Your children are surrounded by these influences and could easily be overwhelmed by them if they are not carefully prepared to resist them.

Never forget that if you do not respect authority—and this will be readily apparent to your children—why should they? If you do not, they will not.

In addition, thoroughly instill into your children’s thinking a respect for, and obedience to, all of man’s laws when they do not conflict with the laws of God (Acts 5:29; Titus 3:1).

Train Your Children to Listen and Be Quiet

Train your children in the difference between hearing and listening. This will help them to perform better in school, to correctly follow instructions, to be a better friend—and, in the future, to be a better husband or wife, and a better father or mother.

The apostle James wrote, “…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (1:19). A quick look at news talk shows provides ample proof—every night!—that the world does not heed this passage. Also, reporters are trained to speak in “sound bites” because most people do not care about the details and only want to hear in “sound bites.”

Therefore, you must actively teach your children to listen carefully. And you must show them how, and this means learning not to interrupt when someone else is speaking. When you give them instructions, sometimes make them repeat what you said. If they cannot remember, make them sit and wait for you to repeat it again at your convenience. You will be surprised how much better listeners they become.

Proverbs 23:22 states, “Hearken unto your father that begot you, and despise not your mother when she is old.” In the family, fathers and mothers hold offices that require—should demand—respect! Children must learn to respect their parents—and listen to them. Romans 8:7 reveals that this is far from automatic—that it must be learned. The office of “parent” is one of the highest offices in your children’s life—one that they must deeply respect, for their own good. So declares the Fifth Commandment.

However, you cannot expect them to do this if you are never willing to listen to them. Many parents continually “put off” their children, treating them as though they are inconveniences in the way of more important things. Incredibly, only 16 percent of people even believe that children are important to marriage.

You have no doubt heard it said that “God gives us two ears but only one mouth for a reason.” This is important for both parents and children to understand. If you expect your children to listen to you, then you must listen to them. Of course, this comes with limits you must discern.

Above all, teach your children that life actually requires them to listen—that it is essential for success in every endeavor, small and large. Their future college education and careers will depend on developing this quality!

Ingrain Into Your Children to Never Violate Trust

Teach your children that if they want to be trusted, they must always be worthy of the trust they receive. If you do this correctly, present and future friends will be comfortable opening up and confiding in them. Others will be willing to share their personal dreams and aspirations (as well as their problems and worries) with your children once they become adults. This will put them in a position to be able to help more people through life.

Teach your children that future employers may need to share highly sensitive information with them. One cannot demand trust from others—your children need to understand that they must be worthy of having such important confidence extended to them. Also explain that they cannot expect others to keep certain things confidential if they do not do the same.

All of this means teaching them that they must learn never to gossip. Teach them God hates this practice. Notice just a few scriptures:

“You shall not go up and down as a talebearer among your people…” (Lev. 19:16).

“But unto the wicked God says, What have you to do to declare My statutes, or that you should take My covenant in your mouth?…You give your mouth to evil, and your tongue frames deceit. You sit and speak against your brother; you slander your own mother’s son” (Psa. 50:16-20).

“A talebearer reveals secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit conceals the matter” (Prov. 11:13).

“The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly” (18:8).

“He that goes about as a talebearer reveal secrets: therefore meddle [associate] not with him that flatters with his lips” (20:19).

Those of the World War II generation will never forget the motto: “Loose lips sink ships.” This is true in a great many ways. (However, teach your children that there are exceptions, such as if a crime or sin is involved, or if someone will be hurt if action is not taken.)

All children must learn to keep things confidential—to never betray the trust of another human being, particularly after they have given their word. Your children must understand that their word has to mean something—that “their word is their bond.” No one carries this quality innately from the womb. Of course, some children are more naturally given to gossip or to revealing secrets, while others seem more naturally able to keep sensitive matters to themselves. Determine which category your children fall into and nurture them to see what is at stake if they do not learn the all-important quality of trustworthiness in every regard.

Train Your Children to Never Lie or Steal

The world is filled with people who habitually steal, and who seem to lie about almost everything. (For instance, a Rutgers University survey found that 95 percent of all students cheat in school.) Keeping your children from joining their ranks is an increasingly difficult task.

Now notice God’s view of lying: “These six things does the Lord hate: yes, seven are an abomination unto Him: a proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, an heart that devises wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaks lies, and he that sows discord among brethren” (Prov. 6:16-19).

Every child is born with carnal human nature. Inevitably, this nature will lead the child to consider lying, stealing or other forms of deception. Parents must teach their children—from their earliest years—that these are very serious offenses. If you fail to do this, at best, your children will be dishonest, and, at worst—and this is growing more common in the modern age—you could literally be sentencing them to a life of crime!

On rare occasion, find ways to reward your children for telling the truth. Periodically, when they admit an offense—when they tell the truth under duress—refrain from disciplining them, and tell them why. This will serve to teach them not to lie, to instill in them that it was the truth that protected them. And be sure to remind them of this point at key opportunities so that it will become automatic when they are “under the gun” and tempted to lie.

This principle also applies in the following way: If, when confronted with his wrong behavior, your child is willing to admit that he is guilty—no matter how serious the infraction—consider rewarding him for telling the truth. Continue this until the habit is ingrained. This means still admonishing the child to do better, but, from time to time, it means not punishing the child because he or she was willing to “fess up” under examination. Again, your child must come to directly connect the fact that the truth protects him or her instead of the other way around, as most suppose.

However, when your children do lie or steal, punish them immediately, sometimes including long-term consequences so they never forget that lying is one of the worst offenses one can commit, and that stealing is also a form of deception. Conversely from the above, this serves to teach them that lies endanger them—and you must connect this in their thinking. Talk with them about how lying will invariably get them into worse trouble, potentially destroying their reputations entirely, if they do not avoid it at all costs.

Read all of Train Your Children God’s Way to set your children up for success in life.