Valentine’s or True Love?

Flowers and candy. Teddy bears and pajamas. Cards and animated texts or emails. Dinner and a movie. Jewelry and weekend trips.

Couples the world over routinely exchange these items to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Some even engage in unusual activities to keep the day, such as the record-setting gathering on February 14, 2009, in Mexico City when 39,897 people kissed for 10 seconds.

Little or big, everything done to celebrate Valentine’s Day is done to represent what most call “love.”

While it is not wrong to give gifts—God wants us to demonstrate our love toward others—we as God’s people know that these are not, by themselves, expressions of love. Yet the lessons of why Christians do not celebrate Valentine’s Day are helpful to understand and review.

Purpose of the Day

Let’s consider the scope and magnitude of Valentine’s Day.

The National Retail Federation estimated that $19.6 billion was spent in 2018 on the world’s “day of love,” an increase of $1.4 billion from 2017. The total amounts to $143.56 for each person in the U.S., and that includes babies and many others who do not spend money on the pagan holiday. (Read “The Truth Behind St. Valentine’s Day” for more on the origins of this celebration.)

Of this total, $4.7 billion was spent on jewelry, $2 billion on flowers (with 250 million roses sold), and $1.7 billion on candy. Couples exchanged 190 million greeting cards, costing about $1 billion. This does not include an innumerable number of electronic messages and animated greetings via social media!

Doing a simple web search can further help you understand how much this day’s celebrations permeate society. Everything you can think of is for sale: romantic hairstyles, “luscious lingerie,” top wines, special travel accommodations, and other unique gifts. All are marketed with the notion of “love.” All are presented with the idea that their partner desires and expects to receive such material items to demonstrate the giver’s love. The message is clear: buy things for your partner, or you will not get love!

This expectation is built into the holiday—it serves the interests of retailers who are the real beneficiaries of these expressions of affection. Marketers encourage these expectations. This desire to get is used to sell Valentine’s Day items.

This world, and those who consciously or unwittingly participate, support this expression of “love.” Underlying the financial motive, of course, is human nature—we want to get things.

Your love is verified by how much money you spend. It is a direct continuum: Don’t buy, don’t get love. Spend a lot, get a lot of love. Money equals love, love equals money!

Discerning this vicious cycle is the easy part. Even many in the world can see through this guise. Doing something about it is harder! Removing oneself from this vicious cycle requires asking pointed questions. Is this really the way to show love? Do I need to exhibit love on a specific day—and in a specific way—as this world mandates?

Underneath these basic questions, you must get to the “heart” of this holiday.

Each question relates to the incentive to get something in exchange for the gift. Recipients get gifts—an understandable benefit. But the logic goes one step farther: Satisfy the recipient and get a reward. The get can be anything from sex, affection, esteem or even some form of “peace”—whereas the failure to give may result in conflict within the relationship. Each reflect the desire to get something in return—a quid pro quo (a favor or advantage granted or expected in return for something)—within this most fundamental human relationship.

The thinking, whether conscious or not, is: I get something from you, I will reward you with something in return. Stripping away the pretext, this is a tit-for-tat approach to love.

Does this reflect godly love? Does this exchange replicate selfless love for others?

Godly Love Is Giving

It should be obvious at this point that this is not how God wants us to think or act!

Godly love reflects the give way of life. God wants us to give because we care. Caring naturally—and inevitably—results in giving to those we care about. When we care, we are apt to feed, to clothe, to visit, to help and serve. This is not tied to a particular day, nor is it tied to money. How much is spent, if anything, is irrelevant. Remember the adage: It’s the thought that counts. What matters is the sincere expression of love. This is the priceless gift of godly love!

In short, why we give is not tied to worldly expectations. What we give is not based on an anticipated exchange—to get something in return. Instead, godly love is giving without expectation, without a quid pro quo. Godly love focuses on giving, not getting. We give because we care! It is really that simple.

Consider the different words used in the New Testament to describe love. One is found in Colossians 3:19, where husbands are told to “love your wives.” The word translated “love” is agape. This word means the love of God.

This world does not understand how God views love. If it did, it would never promote Valentine’s Day! God abhors this practice (Lev. 18:30). We should see this pagan holiday as abhorrent.

Think about the purported reason for Valentine’s Day. People want to be loved. We all desire the love of others. This includes physical affection. Yet what we want—and how we think and act—must be in accord with God’s Law.

Consider this quote from Mr. Pack’s crucial book Dating and Courtship – God’s Way: “What people may say or do—and the ‘will of the people’—is irrelevant and usually just plain wrong! It is God’s perspective—His view—that offers the way to everything good in life.” It is God’s perspective on love that matters!

After explaining two types of love described in the New Testament (the other being brotherly love—philia, the word used in Philadelphia), the book speaks of a third type of love—eros. It states: “Eros is romantic, sexual love between husband and wife, but it is NOT lust! Remember, it is a form of love, which God designed to be the pinnacle of physical pleasure when expressed in a marriage relationship between husband and wife, the only proper place for it.” God wants His people to understand this form of love.

There is only one proper way to have eros. If you seek to experience this kind of love with a mate, read Mr. Pack’s book Dating and Courtship – God’s Way. It more importantly describes the only way to achieve real, lasting and selfless love. It embodies the give way of life—and the give way of love! God’s purposes and principles contained in this book are guaranteed to result in true happiness.

Comparing true happiness to the vain, selfish and superficial ways of Valentine’s Day ought to inspire us. The next time you see an advertisement for “love,” think about the God of love (I John 4:8)—and follow His way to true love!