Filling the Loneliness Void

Alone in a desert wilderness, the prophet Elijah crouched under a juniper tree. He had just received a death sentence from Queen Jezebel after he foretold the kingdom of Israel’s doom. Though he ran away to save his life, he was overwhelmed with the feeling there was nowhere to go and no one in which to confide.

While sitting under the tree, Elijah “requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough” (I Kgs. 19:4). The prophet on-the-run felt completely isolated.

Moses experienced a different type of loneliness. While in Sinai with the Israelites, he was surrounded by millions of people including his own brother and sister.

Despite this, he found himself isolated. The account in Exodus 18 shows the leader sitting from morning to night, day in and out, answering the Israelites’ questions. He was interacting with others—but thought he was the only one who could fulfill this role.

Leadership can be lonely at times, but Moses was falling prey to a different type of loneliness. He was blind to the fact that others could help bear his burden.

Moses and Elijah. Two very different circumstances, but the same emotion.

We can learn a lot from the examples of these Bible greats. No, we are not the leader of ancient Israel or a prophet of God being persecuted by a wicked queen. But we too can fall into this emotional gutter.

If left unaddressed, loneliness leads to terrible ends. Elijah was so vexed he wanted to die (I Kgs. 19:4). Moses was on the path to burnout (Ex. 18:17-18). We can fall into similar pitfalls if we do not address the root causes of loneliness.

God’s Church is scattered today throughout the globe. It is the “little flock” Jesus spoke about in Luke 12:32. This makes loneliness a struggle for many of us. Yet the Bible lays out the exact way to defeat feelings of isolation and foster meaningful connections.

Lay the Foundation

A Spirit-begotten Christian is never truly alone—even though we may feel humanly isolated.

Just before He returned to heaven, Jesus Christ wanted His disciples to recognize that they would always have His company. In Matthew 28:20, at the very end of the book, Christ stated, “Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.”

This promise did not just apply to those in the first century. God promises to always be with Christians. He gave us His Holy Spirit—a “comforter” (John 14:26)—to help us especially in times of need.

Recognize how special and unique this promise is! The feeling of being alone can drive people to utter despair—Christ Himself felt what it is like to be cut off when He was being crucified and forsaken by the Father (Matt. 27:46). But the Father promises that He will never leave or forsake us (Heb. 13:5), so long as we stay close to Him.

Whenever the pangs of loneliness hit, remember this. Stay close to God through Bible study and prayer.

Never forget that you have free access to the God of the universe. He is your Father. Whenever you feel loneliness creep in, ask for more of His Spirit, which brings joy and peace of mind (Gal. 5:22). Be intimate and open. Tell Him exactly how you feel. We are to be “bold” as we approach His throne in prayer (Heb. 4:16).

When you feel the pangs of isolation, remind yourself God promises to dwell within you. In John 14:23, Jesus said that He and the Father make each Christian their abode.

Is it any wonder Paul charged Christians to “pray always” and “pray without ceasing” (Eph. 6:18; I Thes. 5:17). We are to stay in a prayerful attitude constantly.

Throughout every moment of the day, remember God is there. This can help alleviate the despair of feeling alone. While this is not a cure-all solution, it does set the right foundation for maintaining balanced and meaningful relationships with others.

See God in Fellowship

If you struggle with loneliness often, it is crucial to identify what is causing you to feel this way. It could be a sign that you need to draw closer to God, but it usually also means it is time to re-examine how you are doing in the area of Christian fellowship.

Spending time with brethren is yet another way to draw close to God. He says He works in people with His Spirit. I John 1:3 states: “Truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ.”

When you learn to envision the Father and Christ present during a potluck meal or while talking to another Church member on the telephone—it will forever change how you approach fellowship. Soon, you will seek the company of other Christians. You will be more open with them. You will value every exchange and word that comes from their mouths. You will want to serve them as you aim to serve God.

This does not mean others will be perfect. But it should be motivating to know that God manifests some of His personality through those around you.

This should drive you to want to spend more quality time with brethren, near and far.

Even if you live far away from a congregation, there are plenty of opportunities to extend yourself to others. You may be at a distance, but all it takes is a willingness to connect.

One easy way to do this is by signing up for and being a part of Team HUB—the Church’s closed-group social media platform. (Ask your minister for details.) There are frequent opportunities for fellowship through the various posts and chat groups, as well as scheduled Zoom calls for bonding time with brethren around the world.

Having people with whom you can experience deep conversations will naturally ease your feelings of loneliness.

But do not limit yourself.

Human beings crave face-to-face interactions. There is nothing wrong with associating with colleagues at work, or being friendly with the owner of the convenience store around the corner from your house. You can take part in local events such as garage sales or activities at your local library.

While you will not connect with these people on the same level as brethren, you will still be fulfilling the command to extend kindness to others (Luke 6:35-36).

Drill Deep

On the other side of the loneliness coin is those who socialize often and still feel alone. They may be constantly reaching out to others, having people over, and being an all-around social butterfly. Yet the reason they can still feel alone is this: They refuse to turn to others in times of need. Often, they have not built any relationships in which the other party is a trusted confidant.

Recall the example of Moses. In the Exodus 18 account, the leader thought he was the only one able to handle every inquiry the Israelites had.

When Moses’ father-in-law Jethro saw the situation, he pointed out the problem: “Why sit you yourself alone, and all the people stand by you from morning unto even?” (Ex. 18:14).

Jethro continued: “The thing that you do is not good. You will surely wear away, both you, and this people that is with you: for this thing is too heavy for you; you are not able to perform it yourself alone” (vs. 17-18).

The father-in-law then offered this advice: Find other capable men who can help lead. In effect, Jethro pointed out that Moses had caused his own problem!

Even if it was a subconscious assumption, Moses thought there was no one else capable of handling judgments for Israel. Yet there were many around who could shoulder the burden.

We too can cut ourselves off from others. We must be willing to open up to a few brethren and foster deep relationships.

Those who consistently crave attention but cannot foster close friends must recall the often-misquoted verse Proverbs 18:24. The King James Version states: “A man who has friends must show himself friendly…”

The New American Standard version of Proverbs 18:24 renders it more accurately: “A person of too many friends comes to ruin…”

If we focus too much on socializing and having a bustling social life, we can pave a path to ruin. This verse is speaking of being balanced. Yes, we can and should reach out to brethren. No, it does not mean putting a cap on the number of acquaintances you have.

Yet are you spending too much time with people and not leaving any time to spend with God? Are you putting more focus on friends in the world instead of brethren? Are you racking up quite a number of acquaintances and few, if any, deep relationships?

Any one of these can lead you back to square one—feeling alone.

Recall that Jethro warned Moses about burnout. Taking an unbalanced approach in any area of life—including your social life—can drain you. It will leave you without the time and focus to build real depth in your relationships with God and His people.

If spreading yourself thin is one of your weaknesses, work instead toward building the kind of relationship in the second part of Proverbs 18:24: “There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

It is interesting how this verse is written. It emphatically states, “There is a friend.” It is as if to say there is always someone out there with whom you can have a quality relationship.

The verse also says friend—singular. There will always be a very few individuals you should consider your closest confidants. This can and should include family, but should also be some of the brethren with whom you have bonded the most.

“Neither height, nor depth”

Loneliness is often something that drives individuals away from God’s truth. We must quickly defeat it any time it rears its head.

Notice what Paul stated: “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 8:38-39).

Add loneliness to this list!

Use the power God provides through His Spirit and you will grow in becoming a more interesting person whom others will love to be around. It will also ensure you establish the most important and lasting relationships of all—with God and His people, from whom we can never be separated.