Building Friendships

It can take mankind thousands of years to discover on his own what God has already revealed in His Word.

In the Church, we emphasize the give way of life, based on clear biblical verses such as Acts 20:35. Studies have found people have what appears to be a generosity gene—there is a biological reason giving feels good.

Similarly, engineers devise products copying designs found in nature. Time and again, the genius of God observed in Creation has helped solve problems that long vexed scientists, builders and craftsmen.

Social science, the study of society and relationships, is no exception. God laid out the importance of deep interpersonal relationships from the very beginning. Yet researchers are still exploring this today.

For example, a 10-year study by the Center for Ageing at Flinders University found that not having close confidants or friends can be as detrimental to a person’s health as being overweight or smoking. The study concluded that, when faced with major illnesses, individuals with a great social network are in a better position to survive, and the loving support of friends helps them through the healing process. In addition, researchers found that a network of friends was more important than close relatives in prolonging life.

Another study conducted at the University of Virginia compared brain activity between individuals who were under threat of receiving electrical shocks to either themselves, friends or strangers. The results: People who perceived danger toward themselves had the same level of brain activity as those who perceived their friends were in danger.

That is a deep bond!

And for those in their “Golden Years,” the Flinders University study revealed that people over 70 years old with an extensive network of friends tended to live 22 percent longer than those with less extensive networks.

Man has only recently found scientific evidence of the value of friendship. Yet God said at the beginning of the Bible: “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen. 2:18). Later, King Solomon wrote, “Two are better than one…” (Ecc. 4:9). While these verses more specifically reference having a spouse, the principle is also true of friends.

God reveals that having extensive and varied friendships makes us better individuals.

Friendship Basics

The term “friend” is more loosely applied than ever due to its broad use in social media. It is not uncommon for “friends” to begin and end their relationship through the internet without ever having met face-to-face. Not all friendships are equal.

As Christians, we essentially have two groups of friends: Those currently living God’s way of life, and those who have not yet been called (John 6:44).

Yes, we can have a certain level of friendship with people outside the Church. We can get together to discuss hobbies and interests with people we know from work or school. We can be friendly to others as we see them at the supermarket or auto shop. We can set a good neighborly example by sharing produce from our garden with those in our neighborhood or helping the elderly with difficult yard tasks. But our tightest bonds will naturally be with those who believe the same things we do.

Use wisdom and good judgment. While we can be friendly toward those in our community, the Bible warns against deep entanglement with the world: “Know you not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God” (Jms. 4:4).

The Bible commands us to be kind, courteous and generous to all, but there should be a special emphasis on those who know God’s truth. Read Galatians 6:10.

We can and must consider all true Christians as friends—full stop.

Why? Look at a biblical definition of friendship. Amos 3:3 declares: “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”

This is a rhetorical question—of course not! Do all members of the Church share the same hope? Yes. Despite being separated thousands of miles, living in different cultures and coming from distinct ethnic backgrounds and upbringings, do we think alike? Yes. And despite our different educational levels and skills, do we not all aim for and pursue the exact same goal? Yes. We as Christians can “walk together”!

Again, not some, but all brethren are considered friends and should be seen as critical to our Christian growth. Granted, there are some friends in the Church whom you have not met yet. There are those you have met but see infrequently—maybe once every year at the Feast. Some Church friends communicate regularly. And, of course, there are very close friends with whom we spend significant amounts of time. But all are considered friends.

The Bible supports this. Note that Jesus called all of His disciples friends. He stated: “Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knows not what his lord does: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of My Father I have made known unto you” (John 15:15).

John also referred to all brethren as friends in III John 14: “I trust I shall shortly see you, and we shall speak face to face. Peace be to you. Our friends salute you. Greet the friends by name.”

In both examples, the term “friends” encompasses all who are living God’s Way.

How to Meet Others

The friends we have help shape who we become. Note Proverbs 27:17: “Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” Proverbs 13:20 says: “He that walks with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

The thought that we need to “make” friends in the Church should be all but gone at this point. We are all already friends from God’s perspective. It is, however, paramount that we actively work to build these bonds.

Many of us may still find it difficult to open up to others. But being close to those who share our beliefs is an effective way for us to develop. God instructs us to do so!

What are some ways to meet others in the Church? We cannot limit ourselves to one approach. Generally speaking, to meet friends, we have to go where others gather.

Team HUB, the Church’s private social networking site, is a great place to meet and get to know fellow members. If you do not have an account, ask your minister how you can join.

You could send a letter introducing yourself and expressing your thoughts to a member you read about in a prayer request in the Announcement Bulletin. Likewise, news of a miracle, baptism or wedding is also a great opportunity to reach out to someone.

Ask other Church friends to help you connect with individuals you saw or briefly encountered at a social or activity but did not share contact information. They may be able to remember a name that you cannot.

Rekindle relationships. Is there someone coming to mind that you used to keep in touch with frequently but now, no longer? Maybe you have moved, or the other person has moved, and you are now in different congregations. Be the first one to reach out and reconnect.

Exchange contact information with those you interacted with or served with at the Feast. Mention the positive impression they made on you.

Enroll in Ambassador Center. Connect with other students to check their progress and encourage them. If you are an alumni, offer encouragement to those who are just beginning their AC experience.

These suggestions all show how to increase the quantity of communication with other members. Yet quality also counts.

Strengthen Your Bonds

It is essential to strengthen relationships so you and your friends can support each other during good and challenging times. Closer friendships can help you overcome periods of loneliness and remind you of our common hope and purpose. There may also be times we lack confidence or need help coping with traumatic situations such as a serious illness or the death of a loved one. And we also need close friends to encourage us when we fall into ruts.

Deepening friendships takes more effort than what was suggested for meeting others. Close friends must spend quality time together, which could involve changing your priorities to allow for more time to build bonds.

Note what Christ said about the effort required to maintain close friends: “A new commandment I give unto you, That you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this shall all men know that you are My disciples, if you have love one to another” (John 13:34-35).

This love is exemplified by the time we give to each other, as Jesus stated: “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (15:13).

Consider these points on developing stronger bonds with brethren:

Take up mutual interests. Get together with individuals who have similar hobbies or interests like board games, sports, activities, cuisine, etc.

Make the most of every Church event. This includes socials, clubs and other special activities. Plan ahead so you can attend as many of these activities as possible.

Consider venturing outside of your pastorate to attend a social in another state or part of the world.

Visit Headquarters for one of our large seasonal socials. We would love to have you for the Spring Dinner Dance, Summer Picnic or the Winter Social—or, even better, all three!

Extend and accept invitations. Have coffee, lunch or dinner with your friend. When invited, say yes.

Exercise together. This could be at a gym or through walks, hikes or bike rides outside.

Dive into fellowship. Talk about yourselves and each other in a meaningful way.

These efforts are vital because close friends are too. The Bible refers to this level of relationship as “a friend that sticks closer than a brother” (Prov. 18:24). We all need individuals in our lives in whom we can confide and trust. These closer-than-a-brother relationships can help us overcome the difficulties we face in life.

With whatever time we have left, devoting ourselves toward meeting friends in God’s Way and developing deeper ties with some is a display of obedience to God and will result in physical blessings that science has proven. These efforts will ultimately help us teach billions of others how to do the same when God’s Kingdom arrives!

Remember, it is never too late to meet new or reconnect with old friends.