The Art of Conversation

Picture this: After Sabbath services, one of the brethren casually asks another, “How was your week?” The other person sighs and admits, “Not that great, actually. I missed three days of work battling a terrible cold.” The response? “Gotcha. Have you tried the new taco place downtown? They have the best guacamole!”

Moments like this make us cringe—not just because they are awkward but because we have probably all been there. While this example is deliberately absurd, it is easy for our conversation to become shallow and simply out of habit.

Small talk has its place, but when it becomes our default mode of communication, it can lack feeling and prevent us from building deeper connections.

Meaningful conversations go beyond words. They are an opportunity to share and respond to each other’s ideas, learn and show we care. They require focus, thoughtfulness and a real interest in others. The best talks reflect sincere interest, respect and give-and-take.

This deeper form of communication is beautifully illustrated in Proverbs 25:11: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”

This imagery evokes the skill of ancient Middle Eastern artisans who combined gold and silver to create objects of careful design. Just as their art required deliberate thought and intention, good conversations also take effort and skill.

In ancient times, conversation was one of the few forms of entertainment and connection available. Well-chosen words were treasures that brought people together. Although we have a lot of things competing for our attention in modern times, conversations still hold that power today.

Engaging in thoughtful conversation is like creating and appreciating a masterpiece. When done well, conversations reflect each speaker’s effort and thoughtfulness, enriching both participants. Just as an artist layers strokes to create a vivid portrait, a good conversationalist crafts his or her words to build understanding and connection.

Have you ever paused to consider whether your conversations reflect the care and effort Proverbs 25:11 describes? Are your words thoughtful and well-timed, or do they often seem to fall flat?

While becoming a world-renowned artist may be out of our reach, anyone can learn to be a good conversationalist. Thoughtful communication matters and has the power to deepen relationships both within the Church and beyond.

The Perfect Conversationalist

The Bible features many examples of skillful conversation. Consider an instructive exchange between Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4:7-26.

Christ’s words changed the woman’s perspective and formed a great example of meaningful conversation.

Jesus began by addressing something they both had in common—the need for water: “Give Me to drink” (vs. 7). This simple request broke through cultural barriers, prompting the woman’s astonishment: “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria?” (vs. 9). At that time, Jews saw themselves as superior to Samaritans. Christ’s willingness to accept water from a Samaritan caught her by surprise.

Jesus then gently guides the talk toward spiritual truths, saying, “If you knew the gift of God…you would have asked of Him, and He would have given you living water” (vs. 10).

By engaging her curiosity and addressing her deeper needs, Jesus demonstrated how effective conversation begins with understanding the other person’s perspective.

The exchange continues with Christ mentioning her personal life which could have been a source of embarrassment for her, saying, “You have had five husbands; and he who you now have is not your husband: in that said you truly” (vs. 18). Despite her complicated history, He speaks without judgment, which leads her to perceive Him as a prophet (vs. 9). His thoughtful and kind response exemplifies how speaking with care and purpose reflects godly character. Jesus went on to discuss God’s way of life and salvation with her.

Whether it is an encouraging word to a friend or a challenging discussion handled with grace, our moments of communication become acts of service to others and, ultimately, to God.

The apostle Paul said he became “all things to all men, that [he] might by all means save some” (I Cor. 9:22). That was Christ’s approach in this account. The brief conversation with the Samaritan woman demonstrated three key elements of good communication: kindness, focus and respect.

Kindness allowed Jesus to demonstrate genuine care by listening actively and considering her feelings. Focus enabled Him to remain fully present, avoid distractions and respond thoughtfully. Respect helped Him value her perspective and avoid dominating the conversation or being dismissive. As a result, the woman went on to spread the news of that positive exchange at the well to many others.

You might say, “Well, that was Jesus. Of course He was a perfect conversationalist!” Yet understand that anyone can apply God’s principles of communication. All it takes is a little knowledge and some practice.

Will every conversation be flawless, with both parties waxing eloquent and saying the perfect things at the perfect times? Certainly not. We have all had moments where our jokes are ill-timed, we forget the details of a previous conversation or we stick our foot in our mouth by saying the wrong thing.

Rather than achieving perfection, artful conversation requires that we give our best effort in every exchange.

Communication Culprits

Even with the best intentions, conversations can sometimes go awry. Here are some common mistakes we can make, along with practical solutions.

View the ideal responses you will read as guidelines rather than memorized scripts. They reflect the “spirit of the law,” so adapt them to your personality and communication style. And because no article can address every conversation, this information is not exhaustive or meant to address all situations.

Not Listening: One of the most common issues in conversations is not listening carefully. Imagine someone sharing a heartfelt concern, only to receive a distracted or unrelated response. This shows you are not paying attention to the other person and can come across as insensitive.

Solution: Practicing focused listening is a powerful remedy. This means putting your attention fully on the speaker and acknowledging their words before responding. You do not need to stare at the person with wide eyes to prove you are paying attention. Instead, be present in the moment, give appropriate eye contact and respond thoughtfully to what they are saying—and, also important, how they are saying it.

For example, if someone shares that they had a stressful week, you might respond, “It sounds like you had quite a week. Is there anything I can do to help?” Or even a simple, “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you,” could go a long way.

In contrast, quickly shifting to something else unrelated like, “I hear it’s going to snow next week,” might leave the person wondering if you truly heard or even care.

James 1:19 emphasizes the importance of active listening by encouraging us to “be swift to hear, slow to speak,” highlighting the value of intentional and focused listening.

Dominating the Conversation: Another challenge is when one person dominates the discussion, leaving little room for others to share their thoughts. This behavior often arises from excitement or passion about the subject, rather than an intention to be rude. However, it can be intimidating, especially for quieter participants in the conversation.

When others do manage to contribute, dominators may finish the person’s sentences—either aloud or in their minds—which shows that they may not be fully listening. Extroverted individuals or those who are talkative and outgoing should be mindful of this tendency.

Solution: Balancing your enthusiasm with curiosity about the other person can help. Acknowledge your passion or strong opinions on a subject while inviting others to contribute. Saying something like, “As you can tell, I enjoy talking about this! But what about you? What’s been on your mind?” can make a big difference.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of a dominating conversation, gently redirect by interjecting a comment or question that encourages balance. For instance, you might say, “That’s really interesting! It reminds me of something I’ve been thinking about—may I share?”

This tip also works well for conversations that turn into gripe sessions or complaining.

Just as a small rudder can steer a large ship, a well-placed comment or question can redirect a conversation toward a more balanced exchange.

Non-Responsive Listeners: Con­versations can also stall when one participant remains quiet or disengaged, making the exchange feel one-sided. This often happens with quiet or introverted people who are more laid-back, reflective and less inclined to share their views.

Alternatively, someone who is normally talkative may become quieter due to unfamiliarity with the topic, hesitation to share their opinion or simply preferring to listen. Recognizing these tendencies can also help us navigate conversations more effectively.

Solution: To engage quieter individuals, try asking open-ended questions such as, “What’s been the highlight of your week?” or “How did you get into that hobby?” These prompts encourage participation and show patience.

Since silence can also reflect thoughtfulness rather than disinterest, use affirming phrases like, “I’d really like to hear your thoughts on this,” then give the person a chance to respond. This helps reassure them that you value their input.

If someone seems quieter than usual in response to something you said, consider whether the topic at hand might be uncomfortable or uninteresting for them, and be prepared to change the subject. Not everyone may share your enthusiasm for the new food you purchased for your pet goldfish or your strong opinions on politics.

Be willing to adjust the direction of a flat or dead-end conversation to include the other person’s interests. This promotes engagement and demonstrates outgoing concern. So does steering conversations away from unpopular or controversial topics.

Sabbath Talk

Conversations at Sabbath services should naturally focus on spiritual topics. But it is important to find the right balance between spiritual and personal discussions.

There is no need to force a spiritual theme onto every topic to honor the Sabbath. People’s lives are important to God, and they should be important to us as well. Our talks about spiritual things should not overshadow the opportunity to connect personally.

Inquiring about someone’s week or family life demonstrates genuine care and helps strengthen relationships. Even discussing the person’s favorite sports team can be a way to start a conversation and connect with them. However, engaging in an extended conversation about baseball statistics can take away the focus of the spiritual importance of the Sabbath.

In all cases, approaching the conversation with the other person in mind reflects the spirit of Hebrews 13:16: “But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.”

For example, questions like, “How has your brother been dealing with that health trial you mentioned a couple of weeks ago?” or “How are things since you got that promotion at work?” build a personal connection. These kinds of detailed questions encourage meaningful engagement and show care for the individual. They go beyond small talk topics like, “What do you think about the weather?” Such inquiries are fine as conversation starters, but deeper questions help you truly get to know the other person and demonstrate genuine concern.

At the same time, Sabbath conversations offer a wonderful opportunity to delve into spiritual topics. Sharing perspectives on a sermon or Church article often leads to richer insights and helps participants grow spiritually.

Questions and comments like, “What did you think about the sermon today?” or “Did you check out that new Pillar article? I found it to be really faith-building,” can be a great way to stimulate deeper conversation.

Sometimes, brethren avoid discussing certain biblical topics or messages because they feel intimidated by their limited level of understanding. However, meaningful conversations do not require complete mastery of a subject. Instead of avoiding certain topics, share what you do understand and be honest when you are still learning.

I Peter 5:5 says, “God resists the proud, and gives grace to the humble.” Admitting that something you heard or read is unclear to you demonstrates humility and can open the door to greater understanding.

Two things might happen: The other person may help clarify the topic, or you might discover that they are not entirely clear about it either, which can be comforting. From there, you can both take steps to learn more, whether by seeking clarification from a minister or patiently studying further.

Sharing personal insights from something you have been studying or noticed in a Bible account can also add depth and meaning to a discussion. That said, care is needed if sharing new ideas or personal interpretations. Speculation can quickly lead to misunderstanding or even inadvertently spread heresy, which is spiritually harmful and must be avoided.

Brethren and ministers alike are instructed to adhere to the traditions of the Church and hold to what they have been taught (II Thes. 2:15; Titus 1:9). Venturing into untested spiritual concepts or pet doctrines during a conversation places others in an awkward position. Leave speculative instruction and teaching to the ministry, ensuring discussions remain proper and aligned with Church teachings.

Occasionally, conversations might veer into controversial or inappropriate topics for the Sabbath. In these situations, it is best to manage the moment tactfully. Colossians 4:6 advises, “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer every man.”

If it is a single unfitting comment here or there, you can probably just let it go and not respond. But extended conversations on the wrong topics may require some action.

Gently redirecting conversations can help guide them to a better place. For instance, you might respond, “That’s an interesting thought. It reminds me of [new topic]—what do you think about it?” Or, “I see what you are saying. On a different note [then change the subject].”

Acknowledging the person’s comment and then redirecting to a different, more edifying topic can be an effective way to change the conversation while preserving goodwill.

In rare cases, it may be necessary to tactfully exit the conversation if the person insists on talking about the wrong things. Use judgment to know what to do. This can be difficult, but managing these situations wisely is a sign of spiritual maturity.

The Sabbath is a time to rest from worldly concerns and think about God’s Plan. In all Sabbath conversations, whether at services or at home, strive for a balance between spiritual and non-spiritual topics to help get the most out of this special day.

Artful Conversations

Getting better at talking with others involves skill, intention and a genuine desire to connect. The principles of active listening, thoughtful speaking and balancing personal and spiritual topics apply not just on the Sabbath but across all areas of life.

As with the image of “apples of gold in pictures of silver” from Proverbs 25:11, a well-crafted conversation requires care and thought to be truly valuable.

Begin conversations by blending small talk with meaningful dialogue. Simple topics, such as hobbies or recent events, can create an easy entry point. For example, asking, “I heard you’ve been working on your garden lately—how’s it coming along?” can lead to deeper, more engaging discussions about what matters most to the other person. As the dialogue unfolds, allow room for sincerity and curiosity to guide your words.

Balance speaking and listening to ensure proper back-and-forth in the conversation. After sharing your thoughts, invite the other person to contribute. Doing this demonstrates respect and interest in others, embodying the outgoing concern God desires in our relationships.

Just as an artist skillfully layers paint to create a masterpiece, we can build conversations with questions, affirmations and understanding. Conversations will not always flow perfectly, but the effort we put into connecting with others reflects our commitment to living God’s Way.

Prioritize thoughtful communication in everyday interactions. By doing so, you mirror the care and intention of Proverbs’ golden imagery—conversations that inspire and positively impact those around you