The Art of Grandparenting

Some of our fondest childhood memories come from spending time with our grandparents. You may still vividly recall smelling the warm aroma of your grandmother’s fresh gingersnap cookies or hearing stories of historical family experiences from your grandfather when you were little.

Now, decades later, if you have grandchildren of your own, you have the opportunity to make a similar positive impact on them. As you watch them grow up, there is a special and important role for you to fill.

Grandparents are a family’s connection to its past. They pass on stories and family traditions to children and grandchildren, keeping legacies alive and sharing life wisdom to help younger generations succeed.

Sadly, in today’s world it has become less common for grandparents to find joy in their role. Some face complicated family situations, such as absent parents, leaving one or both grandparents to assume both parental and grandparental duties. Even within close-knit families, some grandparents live far from their grandkids. For grandparents who are living God’s way of life, it can be particularly challenging to navigate their children or grandchildren’s differing views about religion if they are not in the faith.

Regardless of your circumstances, the overall goal for grandparents is to strike a proper balance between offering guidance and allowing your offspring to learn lessons on their own.

Achieving this begins with grandparents asking, “How can I properly fulfill the role of a godly grandparent in this age?”

What God Expects

Being a grandparent goes beyond mere biology. It is a position of honor within the family. Proverbs 17:6 states, “Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.” Note that three generations are represented here.

Grandparents should value their grandchildren and be honored through them. Many feel immense joy when a grandchild wins a prize, receives an award or brings home a good report card from school. Knowing that this success reflects how well they raised their own children adds an extra layer of fulfillment.

This is all part of the tremendous blessing of having grandchildren—a blessing to be enjoyed fully.

God notably commands that parents and grandparents be honored in one of the Ten Commandments. Review Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16.

Leviticus 19:32 adds, “You shall rise up before the hoary head [those with gray hair], and honor the face of the old man, and fear your God: I am the Lord.” This verse commands those of all ages to esteem those who are older. However, to be honored, one must be honorable.

The apostle Paul instructed older men in Titus 2:2 to be “sober” (circumspect), “grave” (honorable), “temperate” (having self-control), “sound in faith,” in “charity” (love) and “in patience.”

In verses 3-5, the same apostle exhorted older women to be reverent, not false accusers, not given to much wine, to be teachers of good things, to love their husbands and their children, to be discreet, keepers at home, and to honor their husbands so that others do not speak evil of God’s Word.

Notice that no family roles were directly attached to these instructions—they apply to all older Christians, with or without physical grandchildren. This makes it so that younger brethren in our congregations can become “spiritual grandchildren.” The same lessons you could pass along to biological grandkids can also be useful to young Church brethren.

Whether toward physical or spiritual grandchildren, a grandparent’s conduct will determine whether they deserve or are undeserving of the honor bestowed upon them by God.

Along with proper conduct, God also expects grandparents to leave an inheritance to their grandchildren: “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children” (Prov. 13:22).

The best, most useful gifts are often not financial. For instance, you can pass along lessons you learned through good and bad experiences to help grandchildren learn from mistakes. You can also teach unique or crucial life skills such as working with your hands, maintaining a car engine or fixing appliances. You can pass down pictures, stories or mementos from your own life or that were given to you from previous generations. This will help establish or continue a connection to family history, which gives young minds a sense of purpose and belonging to something bigger than themselves.

Our Pastor General Mr. David Pack states in his book Train Your Children God’s Way: “Grandparents are a veritable treasure trove—a gold mine—of experience, and they are a living link to the family’s past. They are generally filled with stories about ancestors and important world events of the past, which children may only read about, but which they have experienced. Grandfatherly and grandmotherly listening, followed by advice, is often a treasure that a child will carry with him for the rest of his life.”

Passing on the family legacy may be the most valuable gift you could give your grandchildren, as it will motivate them to carry on the family line and character to the next generation.

Different from Parents

Grandparents have an important role to fill. But it does not include replacing or in any way circumventing the parents’ authority. Outside of unique situations where grandparents may be forced to raise a grandchild due to circumstances beyond their control, grandparents must defer to the parents as the ultimate authority with our grandchildren.

Gut feelings or experience may lead grandparents to believe they know best in each situation. However, they should not overstep their bounds. Instead, their role should be one of support. Grandparents must be careful not to undermine their children’s choices in how to raise their kids. Otherwise, they risk creating division between their children and grandchildren.

This even applies to children and grandchildren who are not in God’s Way. In those cases, we must remember to be “wise as serpents, and harmless as doves” (Matt. 10:16).

Keeping things in perspective is important. Remember, children grow up and eventually decide to start their own families. Therefore, it should be left to them to raise their own children and teach them the rules to follow. The entire family will function more smoothly if grandparents generally support or do not interfere with the decisions of the parents.

This does not mean you cannot offer advice. In fact, you can bring the voice of experience to a situation where the parent may be dealing with an issue for the first time.

Grandmothers, for instance, are excellent resources when it comes to helping mothers through pregnancy and childbirth. They can also occasionally give mom a break by providing a meal for the family or babysitting. Granddad can teach skills such as planting a garden or woodworking. He can also help them plan future education, just as he did with his own children.

The amount of sound counsel that can be passed along is nearly limitless. In the end, it will stabilize children to see an example of supportive grandparents who do not bicker, conflict or send mixed messages.

Window to the Past

Because the world has changed so quickly, many kids do not have a real concept of or connection to the past. “Grandpa, you mean there was a time before someone invented colors and everything on TV was in black and white?” “There were no computers?” “What did you do for fun without video games?”

Of course, we can amuse ourselves by watching our grandchildren’s puzzled and captivated faces as we talk about growing up before cellphones, social media and the internet.

But these conversations are helpful as they provide a glimpse into the past. Be sure to talk about what society looked like decades ago. Describe the different political climate, or the kinds of things people did for entertainment. Detail the popular foods of the past. Their little minds will expand—the stories have a way of keeping your grandkids focused on the big picture.

There is great value in this. Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” The right words spoken at the right time can be valuable to hearers. Because so few young people hear stories from the past and advice that would be helpful to them, they sometimes grow up without a sense of purpose. Yet the emphasis should be on discerning when advice or perspective is wanted or even needed. If given at the wrong time, such words may fall on deaf ears.

Senior family members are responsible for sharing the wisdom and experience that comes with age. However, they must also discern when advice is necessary, recognizing that sometimes children and grandchildren must learn lessons on their own.

Irreplaceable Reward

Grandparenting comes with challenges. But the rewards of spending time with grandchildren and supporting their parents far outweigh the difficulties.

Many grandparents are delighted by their grandchildren’s achievements and touched by the unconditional love they receive. There is nothing like hearing an excited “Grandpa!” or “Grandma!” followed by little arms wrapping around them. Such moments make the trials of aging melt away.

Make yourself available to young children in your congregation or at the Feast who may not have converted grandparents or whose grandparents do not live nearby. Take the tremendous opportunity to “adopt” and treat them as your own, giving them similar love and attention as you would your own physical grandchildren. Almost certainly, these little ones will respond with love and, because you are applying God’s principles, the love you receive back is always multiplied.

If you are a grandparent, cherish the time you can spend with your family. You have reached a unique time in your life that qualifies as the golden years.

Always remember to love and teach your grandchildren. Support your children in raising them. Most importantly, enjoy them. They are a blessing from God, as Psalm 127:3-5 states: “Lo, children [we could add grandchildren!] are an heritage of the Lord…as arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them.”

Be the grandparent God meant you to be!

To further understand your familial role and the benefits you can bring, review Mr. Pack’s book Train Your Children God’s Way.