Stir Up Your Personality!

Once upon a time, a young boy became discouraged about his personal weaknesses. The boy’s father gave him a simple yet colorful piece of advice: “Stir the pot ya got!”

Before examining this phrase, picture a stewpot filled with various ingredients. Without actively stirring, all the salt settles to the bottom. The basil, black pepper, oregano and other spices float on top. The unflavored meat remains suspended in the middle.

This does not sound appetizing at all!

So do you throw the stew away? No! One of the simplest tricks to make such meals more palatable is to add heat—a low simmer over time or a rapid boil—and stir the pot occasionally or continuously at high heat. Either way, the pot ends up mixed, fully flavored and hot. Each ingredient might taste fine alone, but when combined with the flavors of the other ingredients, the final meal tastes unique and so much better.

Our personalities are similar. Each of us are a pot with ingredients—personality traits. Our traits define how we interact and engage with the rest of the world, whether that means being outgoing, reserved, sensitive, creative or bubbly.

By combining these different elements of our personalities and applying a little “heat”—effort—we can make the final combination of traits in our “personality pot” more flavorful for others.

But blending our many traits is not always so simple. The various parts of our personality are thought by experts to be so difficult to adjust that it is nearly impossible to change who we are. Some go so far as to label personality “unchangeable.”

This can seem frustrating. Are we to give up hope of changing or improving how we interact with others? Of course not! Just as you would not throw out a pot of fine ingredients just because it is unstirred, you would not simply give up developing your personality because it is challenging. With slow or rapid heat and timely stirring, we can change. This is what the father’s instruction to his son meant. If you are unhappy with who you are, you do not have to be a different person—but “Stir the pot ya got!”

You may be asking yourself, “I am who I am. Why bother to change?”

Remaining stagnant as a Christian is not an option. God’s Word makes clear that those called by God are required to grow (II Pet. 3:18). Growth requires change!

The more we mature, the more God can effectively use us. Improving our personalities, with God’s help, is one of the most effective ways to let our lights shine. Think about it: Who wants to deal with a person with a sour or displeasing way about them?

A pleasing, well-rounded personality is a sure way to allow God and His way of life to be apparent to others through us.

So how do we change?

For us to grow, our own pot of personality traits must be our focus. Prepare to get out of your comfort zone and actively stir your personality pot.

Paul’s Example

Every personality type has strengths. Yet each strength has an associated weakness that we must be aware of and control. This means that none of us have a perfect personality and we must all manage it throughout our lives.

The example of Paul shows that, with effort, we can effectively use our personality as an instrument to communicate with others.

Note how he used a flexible approach in relating to others. I Corinthians 9:20-23 reads: “Unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law; to them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law. To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. And this I do for the gospel’s sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you.”

Paul was not advocating for us to be two-faced or look like we are constantly changing our opinions. His point is that he adjusted his behaviors, or his approach, based on who he was working with.

Though he adjusted his personality while working with others, Paul did not compromise the truth. He was ultimately beheaded for remaining steadfast to God’s Way. He was just willing to be flexible in his approach to reach more people.

This flexibility in the use of personality requires sound, mature Christian judgment. Like Paul, we must learn to determine the select behaviors to use that would be beneficial in a given situation. We must likewise restrain other aspects of our personality that may have bad effects in certain situations.

Understanding Personality Basics

According to Oxford English Dictionary, personality is the “combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual’s distinctive character.” In other words, it is how each individual uniquely behaves.

An important word of caution is necessary. The study of psychology is not a substitute for studying God’s Word. Like many modern industries and pursuits, psychology can become its own religion or idol. Yet, in proper context, psychology—in deference to God’s Word, with ministerial counsel when necessary, and with thorough Bible study and prayer—can help you better understand yourself and others.

Five Personality Traits

Numerous tests exist in the world to assess human personality. These include the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, The Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, and the Sixteen Personality Factor Questionnaire. These tools all vary in their approach and the way they report their findings but in every case their goal is to help individuals understand more about the way they interact with others.

One popular approach divides personality into five basic dimensions: openness, conscientiousness, agreeableness, emotional stability and extroversion. Each dimension represents a range between two extremes. Instead of seeing either extreme as right or wrong, they should be viewed as having positive and negative aspects. Most people fall somewhere between the extreme ends of each dimension or category. We will take a close look at each of them for our learning.

Most importantly, understand that the behaviors or actions for each of these five categories can be adjusted in a way to help improve our personal interactions with others.

Openness: The Openness personality trait refers to how open a person is to new experiences.

“Variety is the spice of life” describes those on the high end of this category. They tend to be inventive or curious toward new experiences. While this can generally be positive, taken too far, those high in openness can find themselves learning life lessons via the “school of hard knocks” because their plans are not as thought through.

Those on the low end of Openness can be labeled as consistent or cautious. Unlike those on the high end of this personality trait, those on the low end tend to avoid change or new experiences. This approach can keep the consistent person out of trouble, but if taken too far it can lead to the person not experiencing new and better ways to approach something in their life.

Strive to be balanced with this personality trait. Do your best to remain open to new ideas and experiences while at the same time learning from past experiences and sticking to what works for you. If you tend to be on the high or low end of this dimension, spend time with someone on the opposite end.

Conscientiousness: This describes how organized a person is and their sense of duty. Those on the high end of this trait are dependable, disciplined and achievement oriented. They spend time planning everything in detail. High-end conscientious personalities consider how their behavior affects others and are mindful of deadlines.

The challenge with those on the high end of this trait is they can tend to work themselves to exhaustion and neglect relationships. These overly efficient people must learn to relax at times and find time to enjoy other areas of life or relationships.

Those low in conscientiousness are labeled extravagant or carefree. They dislike structure and tend to be more spontaneous. These people are more easily distracted and may not always return things back to where they found them. This low-end approach can work well with more creative endeavors, but not always where attention to detail is required or schedules are important.

Again, if you trend toward an extreme, it is good to partner with someone strong on the opposite end when working on a task.

Agreeableness: This speaks to how trusting, empathic, kind and affectionate a person is.

Those high in agreeableness are very interested in others. They reflect sincere kindness and warmth. They care about others and enjoy helping make others happy. Overdoing this, however, can lead to compromising one’s own values to please others—something especially dangerous for a Christian who must at times go against the grain of society.

Those low in agreeableness tend to focus more on themselves. These individuals can appear challenging, callous, suspicious and uncooperative. Yet being on the low end of agreeableness is a crucial trait when having to make difficult decisions. At times, analyzing viable alternative solutions is easier when not concerned about other’s feelings.

If you tend to be on the low end of agreeableness, strive to find areas of agreement before you speak. If you tend to be high in agreeableness, feel free to occasionally take the other side of a discussion to stimulate ideas.

Emotional Stability: Emotional stability, which is a person’s measured level of neuroticism, speaks to how he controls his emotions. Those high in neuroticism tend to experience more turbulent mood swings or to feel more anxious. They worry and take longer to bounce back from stressful events. Those on the low end of this trait, however, appear more emotionally stable, deal well with stress and usually do not worry much.

That said, highly sensitive individuals can possess an almost intuitive ability to recognize the feelings of others, which can be helpful in certain situations. Low sensitive or resilient people can at times miss these emotional cues.

Those on the low end are less emotionally reactive and calmer during adversity, which is good during a crisis. However, they must be cautious of coming across as uncaring and unengaged. They can show more empathy by thinking of others, praying for them and asking them thoughtful, engaging questions.

Extroversion Versus Introversion

We will take a deeper look at the category of extroversion, partly because this is the trait most familiar to many.

A Live Science article explains the difference between a person high in extroversion versus someone low in this trait: “The more of an extravert someone is, the more of a social butterfly they are. Extraverts are chatty, sociable and draw energy from crowds. They tend to be assertive and cheerful in their social interactions. Introverts, on the other hand, need plenty of alone time, perhaps because their brains process social interaction differently.”

Extroversion is good for starting conversations and livening up social events. Those with this quality are well suited for jobs that require a high volume of speaking and social interaction. A caution with this trait, however, is overly craving the company of others—which can detract from work or personal study, prayer and reflection. Another challenge is the tendency for extroverts to “talk the ears off” others and neglect to actively get to know others by asking them questions and listening.

Introverts, or those low on the extroversion scale, prefer being by themselves or in small groups. They tend to excel at observation. This helps them to be better able to understand social behavior. In conversation, they can be very good at asking questions and drawing others out. Yet introverts must be careful. In the extreme it can lead them to never talk about themselves or participate in any social events!

Those in society often consider and label introverts shy people. But it is important to realize that introversion is not the same as being shy.

“Introversion is often confused with shyness, but the two aren’t the same,” the Live Science article continues. “Shyness implies a fear of social interactions or an inability to function socially. Introverts can be perfectly charming at parties—they just prefer solo or small-group activities.” Shyness is connected to having self-doubt, feeling uncomfortable interacting with people, or being insecure.

A person can be a “shy” extrovert. These are people who enjoy crowds and want to be in conversations but feel quite self-conscious in the presence of others.

Personality Trait Improvement

The study of personality traits can be confusing and outright intimidating. There are so many variables to understand, let alone trying to actually improve them.

A good start toward improvement is to get a sense of where you are on the scale of the five traits. Take the time to think back over your life and how you have approached or reacted to situations. Perhaps you can ask a close friend or family member where they think you fall on the scale of each.

Once you have a sense of where you stand, analyze the strengths and weaknesses of each trait. Get a better understanding of how each applies and when to use a given approach. But most importantly, go about improving your personality and influence by engaging others.

One place to start is fellowship after services. Because you are interacting with those of like mind, it should be easier to express yourself. Also, Sabbath services allow you to make adjustments week to week.

If you are an introvert, plan at least one comment ahead of time and volunteer it early in a conversation. Then, repeat the process with the next conversation.

If you are extroverted, let others comment before you speak. Some count to 60 silently in their mind to make themselves wait to talk. Ask follow-up questions until the person talking changes the subject—avoid bringing up your own experiences using the pronoun “I.” This becomes easier each time you practice.

While looking to improve your own personality, see if you can start to identify where others you interact with may fall on the scale for each personality trait. This will get you closer to the level that Paul achieved when interacting with others.

In your assessment of the people with whom you are dealing, go back through the five traits. Are they high in agreeableness? If so, appreciate them for their empathy. Are they low in conscientiousness? Recognize that they may not like being too structured. If they are extroverted, recognize that they feel energized around other people and may like to lead conversations.

Recognizing personality traits in others is a challenging yet worthwhile goal in human interaction.

The Goal Is Christian Growth

In all that we do to improve our personalities and interactions with others, it is important that we remain consistent with God’s Word. The ultimate purpose of our personality growth is Christian maturity and fellowship.

Until our course ends or the Kingdom of God arrives, throughout our entire lives we are reminded to “grow up into Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ” (Eph. 4:15).

God designed each of us to become like Him. And we are unique in our own personalities—also designed by God! He can and will use all kinds of personalities in His Kingdom. He created each of us this way to make the world more interesting and colorful.

Our part is to develop God’s character. This will not only help ensure we can be used more by God and be in His Kingdom, it will also benefit those with whom we interact.

We close as we began: Stir the pot ya got! Yes, your tendencies will generally remain the same throughout your life. But with a little bit of stirring—work and adjustment depending on each situation—you can bring out your “best flavors” for others to enjoy.