Remembering Your Marriage Covenant

Think back to your wedding day.

There were feelings of anticipation and joy. You stood beside the person with whom you were about to begin a new life, surrounded by friends and family, and entered a future you could not yet fully imagine.

You heard something like: “Do you take this person to be your lawfully wedded…?”

Or as we say during marriage ceremonies in God’s Church: “Do you faithfully promise and covenant with God, in the presence of these witnesses, to take…?”

Then you said, “I do.”

Those two words were simple, but they carried the weight of a solemn promise. With those wedding vows, two lives were joined into one. As Jesus Christ said, “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh” (Matt. 19:6). The apostle Paul also stated, “He that loves his wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:28).

Marriage is one of God’s great gifts. He designed it to bring companionship, growth, laughter, stability, shared purpose and deep joy. Proverbs 5:18 says, “Rejoice with the wife of your youth.” Ecclesiastes 9:9 adds, “Live joyfully with the wife whom you love.”

On your wedding day, that kind of joy probably seemed like a given.

Yet as days turn into years, every husband and wife learns that joy is not automatic. Responsibilities multiply, children need attention, bills pile up and health trials arise. Misunderstandings and small irritations, if left alone, can begin to build and weigh on the relationship.

Yet underneath all of this, your wedding vow still stands. That vow is a covenant—a binding promise made before God that is meant to be lived out every day.

From time to time, every couple benefits from returning to that solemn promise and remembering what God intended marriage to be. Whether your relationship feels strong, strained or somewhere in between, God’s instruction can help you renew what is good, strengthen what is weak and develop the joy He desires for every husband and wife.

Before the Vow Was Made

If you were married in the Church, you did not simply choose a date, plan a ceremony and show up on the day. First, you sat down for premarital counseling. Your minister talked through what marriage would require. These sessions were designed to help you enter marriage with open eyes.

You and your minister would have discussed sacrifice, patience, faithfulness, forgiveness, communication, the husband’s role, the wife’s role, and submission to God’s will. You were also reminded that marriage would bring many happy, joyful moments—but also occasional difficulty.

These sessions helped you see that marriage involves two separate people—with different personalities, habits, backgrounds, likes and dislikes—entering a lifelong covenant. You were asked to look honestly at one another and assess not only what you admired and loved, but also at weaknesses, personality quirks or differences that would require patience.

One question stood at the center of that exercise: Can I live with these things if they do not change?

That question still matters after marriage. Perhaps even more so.

The strengths you admired before marriage are still worth appreciating. Yet the weaknesses you recognized back then may still require mercy and patience now. Remembering that you agreed to live with those things can help you bear long with your spouse as needed.

Another aspect of the premarital counseling was understanding God’s purpose for marriage. Marriage binds two individuals into one flesh (Gen. 2:24) and reflects the structure and intent of the God Family. Your relationship with your spouse is meant to mirror Christ’s relationship with the Church (Eph. 5:32). God uses marriage to teach lessons about love, unity, government and humility that reach far beyond the household.

Meditate on those early conversations you had with your minister and your soon-to-be spouse. They can help you see how you have grown and maybe some places to continue to work on. Remind yourself of what you saw in your future spouse—both what you admired and what you accepted.

The Vow God Recorded

The Church’s marriage ceremony begins: “There can be no more joyous ceremony than this.” Yet that joy is tied to something weighty: “Marriage is a natural union, a divine institution, ordained of God. It was established, not by man, but by the Eternal God at Creation.”

After some instruction, then came the vows.

The husband promised and covenanted with God, in the presence of witnesses, to take his wife, cleave to her unto death, love her, cherish her, honor her and provide for her. The wife promised and covenanted with God, in the presence of witnesses, to take her husband for the remainder of her natural life, submit to him as God ordained and deeply respect him.

Those promises were voluntary, but they were also binding. The ceremony explains that within the Church, it is God—not man or the laws of man—who joins husband and wife as one flesh. What God unites and binds for life, man is commanded not to separate. This is why the ceremony says the marriage is “bound by the authority of the Supreme Court of Heaven.”

This is followed by a prayer asking God to unite the man and woman and the exchange of rings. Soon after, you found yourselves walking back down the aisle as “man and wife.”

From that moment forward, you and your spouse began living your marriage vows.

A husband lives that vow every time he listens patiently, speaks with gentleness, protects his wife, provides for her needs, and leads with love rather than frustration. A wife lives that vow when she supports her husband, speaks with respect, helps build unity in the home, and strengthens rather than resists his God-given role.

Both live the vow when they apologize quickly, forgive sincerely, protect each other’s reputation and choose closeness over withdrawal.

Your marriage covenant is not merely something you said years ago. It is something God gives you the opportunity to live today.

Yet that opportunity is always met with challenges—both physical and spiritual.

Relationship Guardrails

Marriages never grow distant overnight. It begins gradually with fatigue, busyness, unresolved hurt or the assumption that things will get better on their own. The following guardrails can help couples recognize those early warning signs and address things before it is too late.

One of the first guardrails is giving your whole heart to the marriage. God never intended a husband or wife to contribute only what feels fair in the moment. Marriages flourish when both spouses bring full commitment every single day.

Paul wrote, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Eph. 5:21). In practice, this means both husband and wife strive to yield where they can, listen before answering, consider how their decisions affect the other person, and place the good of the marriage above personal preferences.

Another guardrail is honoring the roles God assigned. Husbands are to love their wives, “even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it” (Eph. 5:25). Wives are to respect and submit to their husbands as God ordained (vs. 22).

These roles are not meant to divide. Lived God’s Way, they help husband and wife work as a unified team—each strengthening the other and building peace in the home. When those roles are resisted or distorted, confusion and strain naturally follow.

Another powerful way God protects marriage is by making His wisdom available. Scripture calls wisdom “a tree of life” (Prov. 3:18), but wisdom must be actively pursued.

God provides guidance through His Word, His Church and His ministry (Prov. 11:14; 15:22). Our extensive library of literature, sermons and World to Come broadcasts on the subject of marriage is always available to help steer you in the right direction.

A couple should not wait until their marriage feels desperate before asking for help from their minister. Sometimes counsel simply helps a husband and wife see each other more clearly, communicate more carefully and return to principles they already know.

When needed, seek counsel together, and do so before small issues grow into deep-rooted bitterness and resentment.

A necessary caution: This article is aimed at couples who are sincerely trying to strengthen their marriage and honor their vows. Some readers, however, may be in extreme situations involving abuse. Abuse is not something you must endure. If you are in an abusive marriage, get help right away and contact your minister.

Another guardrail is resolving conflict quickly. God’s instruction is plain: “Let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Eph. 4:26). This does not mean every difficult matter will be fully solved before bedtime. But it does mean husband and wife should resist letting resentment settle in. A sincere apology, a softened tone, or even words like “I do not want distance between us” can keep a hard moment from becoming a hardened pattern.

At times, it may be helpful to pause and ask yourself some sobering questions: Is there anywhere I am moving away from God’s guidelines for my marriage? Am I making godly choices in how I speak, listen, respond and serve?

Ask God in prayer to help show you places you can grow as a spouse.

Wherever you find yourself, start there, and trust that taking steps in God’s direction will lead you forward.

These guardrails can protect you and your spouse. They help a husband and wife stay close to God and to each other. If your marriage is steady, they can strengthen what is already good. If your marriage feels strained, they offer a hopeful place to start improving—one choice, one conversation, one act of humility at a time.

Living the Promise—Together

There was one more part of the marriage ceremony that we skipped over earlier. After the prayer, and right before you kissed your spouse, the minister declared: “By the authority of Jesus Christ, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

Never forget both the joy and the gravity of the vow you entered into on that day.

Your promise stands before God even now. Do not let it become simply a fuzzy memory from the ceremony. Each day together brings a new opportunity to live your vow with more patience, more gratitude, more love and more purpose.

If you and your spouse see that your marriage is not in the best place, seek God’s help. James wrote, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” (4:8).

Do the same if you see something you need to improve individually. When a husband or wife draws close to God—even in small ways—He meets them there and supplies what is lacking.

Seek to recapture the joy you had on your wedding day. The Song of Solomon gives a glimpse of the kind of affection God intends you and your spouse to share: “My beloved is mine, and I am his” (2:16). Proverbs 18:22 adds, “Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord.”

A marriage lived God’s Way is good, joyful and deeply rewarding. Few ever get to experience marriage lived as God intended prior to the Kingdom.

But you can.

Remember the moment you were pronounced husband and wife. The vow still stands before God. Cherish it together. Live it. And choose, day by day, to strengthen your marriage.