Keys to a Successful Marriage

So, I’m going to start today with some statistics. I like statistics mostly because you make them say whatever you want. So, statistics are really, really helpful when you’re trying to prove a point and you may not be able to prove it as well as you hope. So, you pull out the statistics, everyone thinks you’re smarter, or even better yet, you go to Copilot, ask it for statistics, and then the AI gives you statistics that make you sound like you know what you’re doing, although they’re sourced, so I know they’re accurate.

But we’re told to watch world conditions. We have to, it’s part of what it means to be a Christian. And as we do that, we start to see things. And really in many ways, the trends of world statistics are what help us understand and appreciate the eminency of God’s in Christ return, the setup of the kingdom of God. Seeing the trends in certain aspects allow us to have a better sense how soon the kingdom arrives. You can look at other aspects of society and that’s why just watching doesn’t help normally in a broader sense.

You have to see these trends over time because there are trends in society that look great. The infant mortality rate goes down as we have more advanced science, there’s lower poverty, all those stats that you can talk or speak to or point to that make society look good. But there are some that really point to the decay and the decline of our world and the need for the kingdom of God. One area that it’s screaming is marriage.

So, I’m going to give you some aspects and some statistics here that are some ways stunning and just speaks to God needing to put something in place, his kingdom to correct what’s coming apart. And that is the institution of marriage. So, first statistic, this is an American number. In the US, out of every thousand people you meet, six point two of them are married. And it’s an average. You don’t have a foot that’s married to an elbow. But six-point two out of every thousand people are married.

Wow, that sounds really low, isn’t it? It used to be just over nineteen forties, that was the peak of it, was ten in a thousand. So, we went from ten in a thousand down to just over six in a thousand. It gets worse because the US is actually doing better than a lot of countries, especially Israelite countries. Canada, for instance, it’s four point four out of a thousand. And you see similar numbers almost across all of the ether might countries are similar, four, four and a half, all below the US, but dropping down.

So, less people are getting married. That’s one statistic. Those who do get married, two-point four out of a thousand people, it runs forty to fifty percent, depending on how you run the number, get divorced after they get married. So fewer people are getting married. Of those, the divorce rate is going up and it’s somewhat leveled off, but when almost half of marriage is in the divorce, that’s a rate that you don’t really want to beat. And to make matters worse, the average age or length of a marriage right now in the US is averaging about eight years.

So, if you have been married longer than eight years, you are beating the average. And that number is far, far worse than it sounds because if it’s an average of eight years, if someone’s older, they’re married for life, they’re married for fifty, sixty, seventy years, that’s going to pull that number up versus how many marriages start and stop quickly, more like a year or two or three, but say every eight years. Every time that happens, besides all the other items related to who gets what, costs about seven thousand dollars to do a divorce.

So, no matter what happens, you’re spending about seven grand. However, even with less people getting married, more people getting divorced, the cost of divorce, sixty-four percent of men and fifty-two percent of women choose to remarry. They’re seeking something. They want something that God put inside of them to do, that companionship. And because the second marriage, or third or fourth, or whatever it may be, is still not built on the foundation that we’re going to go into great detail today, sixty percent of those remarriages end up in another divorce.

That’s the society we live in, makes it even harder. Then each time after that, the percentage of people who want to get married drops, but the divorce rates go up, so the third marriage, fourth marriage, et cetera. People are giving up on the concept of marriage. In Canada, almost the same percentage of the population chooses to live under a common law or a cohabitation situation, as do get married, about twenty percent for both. They just live together. They don’t bother with marriage. In America, a narrow majority believes that society’s better off, fifty-three percent, if couples who want to stay together for a long time get married, so a little over half.

Society still thinks that if you want to be together for a long time and improve society, couples should get married. Forty-six percent, so not that far away, doesn’t think it makes a difference if people get married or not. So about you’re saying half and half. And that’s led to essentially twenty percent of the population in the US doesn’t think marriage is an important part of having a successful life. One in five, you don’t need it. People have given up on it. Modern society has undermined what is a critically important foundational doctrine of God’s way of life.

Let’s go to Romans chapter twelve. We’ve set up here. Romans chapter twelve, start in verse one, verse one. Again, remember, society has undermined this, verse one reads, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, and acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conform to this world: but be you transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God.”

We can’t let all of the statistics that I just read to you flavor how you and I look at marriage. It doesn’t matter if you are five years old or ninety-five years old, God’s purpose for all of us is to, at some point, be married. If Christ’s kingdoms comes before that, his ultimate goal is for Christ to marry the church, for us to be part of the bride of Christ. Marriage is crucial. Second Timothy chapter three. Again, this is not just to those who are married, it’s also to everyone who’s hoping to be at some point. Second Timothy chapter three verse one.

Second Timothy three, one, “For this know also, that in the last days perilous time shall come.” We can look at times today and, of course, a little bit ahead. “For men shall be lovers of their own selves.” That’s where our focus is on this time and age, it’s focusing on ourselves. “Covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection.” Turn on the TV set and that’s everywhere you see. “Trucebreakers” or those who break vows like wedding vows.

“False accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, high minded, lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof.” What does it say? “Turn away from that.” We can’t let what’s going on in the world affect us and affect our Christian outlook. It does. We don’t have a choice. That’s the problem of being human. Everything we do affects us. That’s why we come back to services every single Sabbath and sit here and learn about some basic doctrines.

That’s why the holy days come every single year because it helps put us back on track. Just like today, this is a basic subject you think, can you go seventy-five minutes talking about marriage? You’d be amazed how much the Bible has. We have to seek God’s mind. If you were married or want to be, you’re not going to have a successful marriage because of a psychological trick or a self-help book or marriage counselors in the world for that matter. And you’re not going to find an example on TV.

It amazes me how far back this goes. We, on Sundays, watch a little TV with our son. And for a long time, we were watching Lego Masters. If you know what that is and you like, “Legos,” you know what Lego Masters is. Then we finished that series up and then we switched over to some old time TV. So black and white television, you think, “Okay, if it’s black and white, it’s safe.” I’m sure everyone in here has heard of I Love Lucy, and you think, that’s no big deal at all. Then you start watching I Love Lucy and think, he doesn’t like her, and they bicker and then they’re this and they’re... and you think, “Okay, so it’s been a while that the poor examples of marriage have been around.”

It’s funny, it’s meant to be fun and a joke, but there’s a reason why it’s a joke. There’s truth in jokes. That is where society, even in the nineteen fifties, sixties, seventies was, never mind today, because, again, we live in this world. We just can’t be part of it. We can’t let it affect us. So how can you be ready for, and then also have happy and successful marriage? How can we be ready for, and then have happy and successful marriages? Okay, let’s go for the first point here.

Number one, if you’re married, put your feet up. You don’t have to worry about this one. Number one, we must prepare for marriage. So, if you’re already there, this one’s an easy one. You’ve done it. You’ve done the preparation work. Or maybe not. If you didn’t, if you were married before you came into church, there may be aspects of this that are critical. There’s a lot you do to prepare for marriage. And if you’re in your late teens, early twenties, starting to think about it, okay? I’ve got my career, so I’ve got income. So, I can afford to have a husband or a wife or I’ve got plans. I’m getting my health. I have a living arrangement.

All those physical plans. As a human being, as an adult, we have to put all of our physical house in order, if you will, to be ready to do the physical side of being married. If you’re in debt and spending crazy and your money’s gone, you’re not ready, you’re not mature. I wouldn’t be mature enough to be married. We’ve got to prepare that side of it. Your budgets, your house, your job, your career, all of that. But that’s not the part that gets you ready for a proper marriage, because everyone has to do that. And not that everyone does, but everyone should be doing that. So, when they come together, they merge households, they don’t merge chaos.

Sadly, that’s often what happens more than anything else. But you and I have to, as we prepare, as you young people prepare for marriage, we have to get our spiritual houses in order. Go to Proverbs three. Proverbs chapter three. Marriage is a very high bar of expectation from God. It’s not the go to Vegas, spend a weekend. Suddenly you come out with a piece of paper that says you’re married, done. It’s official. The government sees it that way. You could walk into a facility, you’ve got a witness, you go to a JP, and poof, you’re married.

And almost just as poof, people get divorces. But God puts it in a very different category. He’s picturing something that’s huge and knows for us, each individual, husband, wife, spouse, we have to have our affairs in order spiritually to be someone that’s the other half of that equation of a married couple. Proverbs chapter three, you’re probably there, verse five. Verse five of Proverbs three, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart.” How do we get our spiritual house in order? We trust in God with all of our heart, for marriage, for everything.

Being ready for marriage means you are not really focusing on being ready for marriage. Okay? What do you mean by that? Being ready for marriage means you are focusing on your own spiritual health. All aspects of it. You pray, and study, and fast, and learn, and live Christianity and serve. Do all the aspects that it means to live and be as a Christian is how we get ourselves ready.

And continuing here. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean out on your own understanding, because we trust God and all your ways, acknowledge him, everything we do, and then He shall direct our paths.” So, if we do all that, then God will direct us. God will provide a spouse. As someone who didn’t get married until I was in my thirties, I can appreciate being a young person in the church having to wait or, I know folks who are older, thirties, forties, waited because you didn’t want to direct your own steps. You wanted God’s will in the matter. And then inevitably, I’ve seen this so many times throughout the years, about the point someone stops being focused on getting married, God provides them with someone they could marry.

I can’t count the number of times you see that they come into the church, it’s the people, young people, girls are more focused on marriage than guys, but it happens on both sides and their focus of being a Christian is to get married, which is okay in a certain sense because, as God says, be fruitful and multiply, we’ll read later, but when that’s our Christian focus, we stop doing the things that actually get us ready to be a good spouse, a good husband, or a good wife.

Inevitably when someone’s like, “You know what... I’ll use myself as an example. This is what happened to me. I was early thirties and I thought, “You know what, I have still some of the worldly thinking left. I got through my twenties. I’m not married. I’m probably not going to get married. You know what? I’m going to be a eunuch for the kingdom’s sake,” and kind of accepted it and thought, “No, I get to be at Headquarters. I have an amazing job. This is so wonderful.”

And right after that, a certain gentleman who just celebrated his fiftieth anniversary showed a picture of a certain someone that I thought, I’m going to the Feast site she’s going to, and having access to CRM at the time, I know what Feast site she was going to. But as they say, the rest is history. And that moment, I had said, “No, I’m fine.” So, to have God direct and prepare us for marriage is when we focus on obeying Him, trusting in Him.

Go to Ecclesiastes twelve. It’s one book over here, Ecclesiastes chapter twelve. It almost gets to a point where trusting God or relying on God becomes a habit. That’s where we’re in a good place. We know we get into a situation, we have a problem, we automatically in our minds think, “Oh, God will sort this out.” I need to do my part, of course, but God will give me a way and I just have to choose whether I do the right thing.

Ecclesiastes twelve verse thirteen. Verse thirteen reads, “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments...” That’s it. “...for this is the whole duty of man.” The New American translates this better. Instead of for, “…this is the whole of man or the whole duty of man”… it says, for this applies to everyone, “…to fear God and keep His commandments.” So how do we get ready for marriage? We get ready spiritually to be Christians. We build our character. We become more like Christ, remember?

He’s going to marry someone. He’s holding off right now. He’s being patient. If you’re ever thinking, “Oh, I’m thirty or forty or fifty and I just wish I could get married,” Christ has been waiting thousands of years to get married. So, we can wait, especially if we want God behind it. Let’s go back over to the New Testament, Philippians chapter two. Again, this is all very basic, but if we don’t have our spiritual house in order, we are not ready, we are not preparing ourselves for marriage.

Philippians chapter two and verse one, verse one of Philippians two, “If there be any, therefore, any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, fulfill you my joy, that you might be likeminded, having the same love, of one accord and of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory.” So, nothing we should do as a Christian, basic concept. Be through strife or vain glory to focus on ourselves.

“But in lowliness of mind esteem others better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man on the things of others…” looking for and thinking about other people. “…let this mind be in you….” The mind that looks on the things of others, not in a covetous way, but looks for needs, looks where you can help and serve and sacrifice. “…Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.”

If we cultivate that mind that’s looking on other people, that’s looking on their needs, that’s wanting to help, that we’re actively living a service-focused lifestyle. Everything we do, we’re thinking about caring, and helping, and serving, and working with other people. You know how far you are to being a good spouse? Oh, you’ve come so far down the line because, suddenly, you now have two people in a household, that to have an effective marriage, you’re thinking about that other person. We’ll get to a lot more detail about once you’re married.

But again, if we’re not doing it before marriage, why in the world do we think a switch would flip once we’re married? And if you’re getting close to marriage, hate to break it to you, the first little bit is going to be a bit bumpy because you want to put your toothbrush on the left-hand side and so does she. And you’ve been put… The older you are, the harder it is, because you’ve been putting your toothbrush on the left-hand side for fifteen years. And you let her put her toothbrush on the left-hand side and you move yours to the right, and then you pray that you get a house with double sinks.

So, but you make… I say that in jest, you make little things, you’re two lives coming together, it gets a little bumpy at first. You get a pattern; things settle themselves out. But that’s not going to flip a switch to think, “Wow, I’ve not really been big on serving, but now that I’m married, I need to help and serve this person.” No, we have to practice living this way of life before God provides a spouse because that’s your goal. That’s everyone’s goal who is not married. Remember, we want to seek the perfect will of God. Colossians three. Just some basic Christian-living verses, but basic in that they’re key elements to be a good half of the other half of a relationship.

Colossians three and verse twelve. Verse twelve reads, “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, and long suffering.” That’s verse twelve. Verse thirteen of Colossians three, “Forbearing one another, forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave, you also do the same. And above all these things put on charity...” Or love, “...which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be you thankful.”

So, learn to forebear and forgive. We have to do it to everyone, as a Christian. But when you’re around someone, essentially twenty-four-seven, there will be more instances to forebear and forgive, especially both sides of it. But again, the switch won’t flip to do it the day after you both say, “I do.” We have to be living this way of thinking, practicing, actively getting ourselves ready for it. That’s why I say… I joke that you don’t have to pay attention if you’re married, but you do because these are all basic attributes of living in Christianity. We have to develop that compassionate and forgiving heart. It goes miles when you’re around someone all the time.

It’s funny, my wife was joking with me before we started. She says, “You can’t let too many things out about our marriage.” And as this is coming out, you think, “Wow. They must think our marriage is tough.” Compassionate, hard, have to be forgiving all the time. It’s mostly me who has to be compassionate and forgiving all the time. Just saying. I’ve also got the microphone, so you can check with her after. No, I kid. I don’t know if we’ve ever, ever had an argument or a fight, to be honest. We maybe have one or two, but no, we get along well. Continuing on here, Matthew six. I think she was a little worried I was going to tell a lot of stories. She should be.

Matthew chapter six and verse thirty. Matthew six, thirty. “Wherefore…” Verse thirty. “Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, you of little faith? Therefore, take no thought, saying, what shall we eat? or what shall we drink? or wherewith shall we be clothed? (For all these things the Gentiles need and seek:) for your heavenly Father knows that you have need of all these things.” Of course, God knows that. “But seek you first...”

Not seek marriage, not seek any of the other aspects of anything we could talk about of Christianity. “…Seek you first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things…” including a spouse, “…shall be added unto you.” If we’re focused on living this way of life, doing the right thing, seeking the kingdom, building God’s righteousness, he adds all the other things. We don’t have to worry about it. We have to do a little work.

For instance, I’ll use an example, what won’t happen. If I wouldn’t have determined that I’m going to get in that airplane and go to that Feast site so I could meet what would become my future wife. She wouldn’t have been my future wife. If you have opportunities, young men, ladies to date and you don’t take them, you’re ensuring you don’t have a future wife.

So, you put this on the guys more than anyone because the girls sometimes get frustrated like, “Why we have to wait for the guys to ask us to date? I like going on a date. Will someone ask me out?” So, guys, this one’s for you.

The way to ensure you don’t ever get married is don’t date. And when you date, you’re not dating for marriage. What? How does that work? No. You’re dating to learn what you like and what you don’t like because every single person is different. And at some point, there will be that person where it clicks and then the process grows and develops. I remember. Sorry, honey. You can’t help it. It’s a sermon about marriage. That first Feast site, we shut restaurants down, completely unbalanced in our dating on that first time. We went to two or three dates. We had a Dinner-Dance that I just happened to sit at the same table.

But our first date, we went to a restaurant. We were having great… We were conversing. We couldn’t stop talking, chatting, and just, I knew this is great. And then we’re sitting there and at some point, she had to go to the washroom, and she came back and said, “I think they’re closed.” The entire rest of the restaurant was, all the lights were turned off, they’d shut the kitchen down, everything was closed. Sweetly, they just let us continue to pretend like the restaurant was open, and I don’t know when they closed. Never checked it out, didn’t want to know, but we just kept talking.

But again, if I wouldn’t have done that, if I wouldn’t have chosen to go on that date, went to the feast or other dates that I went on throughout the years in God’s Church to get to know what I did and didn’t like, I would not be married. Fellows here and around the world find ways to date, use Team Hub, meet people. That’s how you take the next step. You’ve got to do your part, but again, seek first the kingdom.

Okay. So, you’ve put all the pieces in place, you’re ready to get married. So, what is it? What’s marriage? We’ve been talking for quite a while now, about half an hour or so, and we never really defined what it is, have we? Like, what is it? You say, well, a husband and wife get married. You can’t use the term to define the term, so let’s let God do it. Genesis two. And this is where the world goes wrong. They look at marriage as a legal arrangement. You can look it up. I don’t have a definition, but a legal arrangement between two parties in this day and age, male-female, male-male, all the mess that the world’s gotten into, to live together legally under an arrangement that has tax breaks and all sorts of other things that are connected to it.

They see it as a legal agreement. They will say it’s love. And so, it’s not that black and white, but it’s essentially in the world, it’s a legal agreement because if you get a divorce, you very quickly learn it was a legal agreement, hence the seven thousand dollars to undo that binding legal agreement.

Genesis two, start in verse fourteen. “And the name of the third river is Hiddekel: which goes toward the east of Assyria. And the fourth river of Euphrates. And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden to dress and keep it. And the Lord commanded the man, saying, of every tree of the garden, you may eat freely: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat of it: for in that day you eat of it, you shall surely die.”

In verse eighteen. “And the Lord God said, He looked at this man all alone…” in this beautiful garden and realized men can’t take care of gardens very well.

No, he looked at it and He said, “It’s not good that the man should be alone; I will make a help meet for him.” This is an interesting choice of words. When you look at the Greek, I’ve always, and maybe you, this is... you know this, but I always looked at the term as “help meet.” But it’s not what the Hebrew is. It’s a help. The word means an aide, a helper. So, what it’s saying is, “I will make him an aide, a helper, meet or good for him. So, I’m going to give him someone who’s good for him.” That’s an aide or a helper. But the meet part is interesting too. “So, I’m going to create an aide...” And meet for him is another Hebrew word that means a front, the opposite or a counterpart.

So, God says, “I’m going to make... let me paraphrase it, a counterpart, aide, helper for him, because it’s not good that he’s alone.” And it’s one of those questions you want to ask God in the kingdom, “Did you already have that planned?” You’re already going to create that help meet, didn’t you? It wasn’t, you saw him, and man looked all pathetic in the garden, just kind of moping around. He’s like, “I got to do something about this.” But yes, just an interesting thing. But right out of the gate, God created that helpmeet.

Matthew chapter nineteen. Back to the New Testament. We’re still kind of looking here, defining what marriage is, but we can see God started it, at least with the creation of a woman there in Genesis. Matthew chapter nineteen. Pages over here, and verse three. Matthew nineteen, verse three. “And the Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?” Just trying to trip him up in words.

“And he answered and said unto them, ‘Have you not read, that he which made them at the beginning, made them male and female.’” Harkening back to the account we just read and said, “For this cause, shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife: and the two shall be one flesh.” So, they became a couple. “Therefore, they are no more twain or two, but one flesh.” So, God does not allow fornication. We’re in the New Testament now.

So, he points back to the garden account and says, “When they become one flesh...” I’ve created this new situation. “...therefore...” Or not one, but one flesh. “...therefore, God has joined together. Let not man put asunder.” Say those exact words during the marriage ceremony. God put Adam and Eve, as he hearkens back into that account, together in a marriage, because, otherwise, when they become one flesh, that’s talking about sex and marriage, then they’re fornicating. So, we can see right at the very beginning of the Bible, God created man and woman and had them get married. That’s how He started it. Made them one flesh.

So, marriage isn’t a legal institution, it is in this modern age, of course, as well, but marriage is a divine institution. God created it when He created man. And you may be thinking, of course, I knew that, but let that sink in for a moment. God created marriage when He created man. That’s how far back this goes. That’s how important. That is how fundamental marriage is to the human experience, not the one in five that say it just isn’t a necessary thing anymore.

So that was point number two. Marriage is a divine institution. Number three. Let’s go to Matthew two, back a few chapters. I’ll give it to you so you don’t have that blank spot in your notes. But marriage is a sacred covenant. That’s number three. Or sorry, Malachi, not Matthew. Malachi chapter two. Back to the Old Testament. Malachi chapter two. So God created marriage. He did it right from the very beginning, and how binding is that couple? One flesh for one. That was, yes, so we saw that. But how binding is it?

Malachi two and verse eleven. “Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination is committed in Israel and in Jerusalem, for Judah has profaned the holiness of the Lord, which he loved, and has married the daughter of a strange god.” Okay. We’re going to see a bit of analogy here, but it’ll prove the point. “The Lord will cut off man from doing this and the master and the scholar out of the tabernacle of Jacob, and him that offers an offering unto the Lord of hosts.”

“And this have you done again, covering the altar of the Lord with tears and weeping and with crying out, insomuch that he regards not any offering anymore.” God is ignoring them. Remember, this is the context. Israel went off whoring after another woman. Regards your offering any out of hand receives it with good at your hand, and at verse thirteen, verse fourteen. “Yet you say, Wherefore? Because the Lord has been witnessed between thee and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, yet is she your companion and the wife of your covenant.”

Okay. That’s really hard to understand. That’s why I read it fast. So let me read it from the New American Standard. Much easier to read, and it’ll attach an aspect to this as we keep building. Verse fourteen reads, “Yet you say for what reason? Because the Lord has been a witness, as He was in the garden…” as He is when couples in the Church are married, the hands are laid on, a prayer is given, “…between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, Israel, though she is your companion and your wife, by covenant.” By covenant.

God considers that covenant sacred. When two people get married and they kneel down and the minister lays hands on, that is a binding covenant that God recognizes. How serious is marriage? How important is marriage? How elemental to being a Christian? It doesn’t matter if you have one spouse in the Church, one is not, you have both spouses, God considers it so important that it’s a binding covenant. He considers it so important that if you come into the church and you’re married, that marriage is bound. He says, no, no, you made a covenant. I may not have been fully involved with you at the time but you made a covenant.

That doesn’t matter if one spouse is in the Church and one isn’t. If they’re pleased to dwell, they come into the church and God says, “No, I think marriage is so important. I don’t care if your spouse is not in the church, or both of you decide to come in. Are called.” I’m holding that covenant in place because it’s sacred, and it’s not because it’s between two people and God has chosen to do it. It’s because of what it pictures. Marriage pictures, again, that marriage between Christ and His Church. The ultimate marriage. The one we’re striving all to be a part of and doing the human version of it gets us ready to be part of the spiritual version. That was number three.

Number four. Marriage, as I’ve alluded to here, has a divine purpose. Marriage has a divine purpose. And not just what you’re thinking, I was talking about with the marriage of Christ and the church. No, no. It has a bigger purpose. Ephesians chapter five. We’ll look at the bigger purpose and then we’ll drill into a little bit more mundane ones, but still important. Ephesians chapter five verse thirty-one. Ephesians five verse thirty-one. “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined into his wife and the two shall be one flesh.”

Verse thirty-two. “This is a great mystery…” No, not the husband and wife. They’ve been doing that for thousands of years. But I speak concerning Christ and the church. That’s the marriage that we’re ultimately picturing. Every husband and wife is picturing. And that’s the standard as we’ll see as we go along that God expects of husbands and wives. The church and Him.

Let’s go back to Ecclesiastes again. We’ll come back to Ephesians later. Old Testament Ecclesiastes chapter four, just building on layers here of marriage, its purpose, the why, the what. Ecclesiastes chapter four and verse nine. Verse nine reads, “Two are better than one.” I’ll let you catch up here. I hear those pages turning. Ecclesiastes chapter four and verse nine. “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor.” Teamwork. “For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.” One will support and build and strengthen and help, and if someone stumbles, he picks them up. “But woe to him that is alone when he falls.” It’s tough. It’s tough to be alone.

If you attend, not anyone here, but if you’re someone hearing this or seeing me and you’re in a congregation of one, even if you have two, it’s better, but if you’re in a congregation of one, that’s hard. We thank God for the technology that allows people who would be isolated to be connected so you do see me and can contact other people and be connected, but it’s hard. When you’re one, it’s hard. Continuing on here.

Then verse eleven, again, “If two lie together, then they have heat, but how can one be warm alone?” It is easy, that’s husbands, heating blanket. Get your wife a heating blanket, then they can be warm alone. The best gift I’ve ever given. So much so I got a second one, but that has nothing to do with the verse at all, but it is the answer to the question. “And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him.” Teamwork, together, and you could say against the devil even.

Two working together spiritually stronger as long as they lift each other up. “Two shall withstand him, and a three-fold cord is not soon broken”. Once you introduce a child into the mix, the dynamic completely changes. Genesis chapter one. Again, we’re looking at the divine purpose and purposes, I guess you could say, of marriage. Genesis chapter one, right here, back at the beginning again. Verse twenty-seven of Genesis one. Verse twenty-seven reads, “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created, He him, male and female He created them.”

Then what did He do? He created them. He married them. We don’t see that account, but we saw that in the New Testament, “...and then God blessed them, and He said unto them, be fruitful and multiply.” Go have children, because there’s only two of you. We need to fill the planet up. In that case, it was more serious of urgency, but even today, be fruitful and multiply. “Replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.”

And here’s God saying, I’m giving this planet to you. Here you go. Go take care of it. Fill it up. Be fruitful and multiply. What does man do? Destroy it because that’s what we do without God when we lean on our own understanding, on any subject, including marriage. But when God created that first couple, that first married couple, their job was to go out and multiply, have kids, but only when the time is right, only when the time is right.

That brings us to the next point. Number five, children enhance but never fix a godly marriage or any marriage. Children enhance a godly marriage. Probably the greatest gift one person can give to another human being, it doesn’t matter what human beings we’re talking about, but one person giving to a second human being is a parent, an uncle, a stand-in grandparent or a stand-in uncle, a close friend to show, teach, and then also live Christianity to someone who’s growing up in God’s way.

It is hard to me, as someone called in their twenties, to wrap my head around what it’s like to know this way of life since I was born. That it’s in you for how we live and shouldn’t do it. It doesn’t mean everyone stays with it or continues on, but it’s so deeply part of you, if you were born into this way of life, that we can take it for granted and that’s where we have to be careful, but it also makes it easier in some ways too, because you’re not undoing the things that need to be undone. I had to come out of all sorts of things when I was called because I didn’t know.

It’s one of the greatest gifts one can do is to teach someone God’s way of life from a young age. Go to First Corinthians chapter seven. What’s neat... It doesn’t matter if it’s your own child or you’re, you have ones you’re close to or you’re, you take care of kids or whatever the case may be because we got all that mix.

When you teach God’s way of life to little kids, I don’t care if they’re in diapers or finishing high school, but let’s really focus on the youngest ones when they’re in the single digits or in the tween years. It makes you have to rethink Christianity because, like anything, when you teach something, you really have to make sure, “Okay, how am I going to say that?” And the number of times my wife and I have had conversations of, “Okay, how do we explain this highly complex subject to Ethan?” And that makes you rethink it through and go back to the simplest version of what you’ve learned and understood. It makes you go back to the basics. That’s why it’s good for both.

Continuing on here, and you’re probably there. First Corinthians seven and verse twelve. Verse twelve reads, “But to the rest speak, I, not the Lord, if any brother has a wife that believes not and she’s pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.” No, remember the verse I mentioned, pleased to dwell. Verse thirteen. “And the woman, which has a husband that believes not, if he’s pleased to dwell with her, let him not leave.” They stay bound, remember, because it’s a covenant that was created.

“For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband, elsewhere your children unclean, but now they are holy.” The choice of words here is amazing. So verse fourteen, “…the unbelieving husband is sanctified.” It’s the same thing for the wife back and forth. That word means to make holy sanctified in the Greek. So by obeying God, those of you who have a spouse that’s not in the church, you are... this is incredible, because you can’t just have to believe the Bible. If they’re pleased to dwell with you, God is saying your actions is living Christianity of obeying God. You are making them holy. That’s incredible.

That’s how important it is to be that example. You are making that unconverted spouse who’s pleased to dwell. If they’re attacking, that’s a different boat. But if they’re pleased to dwell, you are sanctifying. God is sanctifying, making them holy. They’re not holy yet. How many people have you been in the church for a while, that one spouse comes in, the other spouse says, “Oh, wow. So much in you has changed. I see some amazing differences. What is it with that church you’ve been going to? And suddenly, they’re attending and they’re curious and they’re obeying and they’re holy.

But that started because of what you did. And I know all around the world, there are folks who are in that situation and it’s not easy. But remember, you are helping God make them holy. And then continue on. It says, “But now for the children, they are holy.” That’s not making anything. That’s just sacred. That’s what that word means. Sacred, set apart, but holy. Same word that you get for saints. So children are clean. They have access. The door is open for them. That is a window that it’s just not possible anywhere. It’s why you also see it’s this... It’s always amazes me and, you know, it’s not a hundred percent and because it is, and every human being has free moral agency.

But you have families that come into the Church, even kids of all ages. Often, you’ll get a percentage or a number of them go on to baptism because God says they’re clean. They have that opportunity. It’s the privilege of being able to raise a child, assist, which is not your own. You get every congregation, you have kids in them, or especially here at headquarters. You get a help or watch or this person sits at dinner with someone. We get an opportunity to help someone understand how to live this way of life before they even know the wrong ways. That’s amazing. Proverbs twenty-two. Know this verse. This is an inspiring one for those who have parents who may have kids who are in the church or they’re older and they’re no longer attending, but they were raised in the church. Again, everyone has to walk the path that God puts in front of them, better to obey, better to walk this way. But Proverbs twenty-two, verse six, “Train up a child in the way he should go.” All that we’re talking about. “…and when he is old…” doesn’t say when he’s in his twenties, doesn’t say when he’s in his thirties. Oh, as a parent, you work so hard to make sure your kids want to live this way of life.

You try to balance giving them enough rope so they understand what it means. And, okay, they choose to live this way because you can’t force. When someone turns 18, you can’t force them to obey God. No. As a parent, you work very, very hard to give the situation such that they say, you know what? No, I’m going to choose it. So that’s great. That’s not what this verse is talking about. This verse is talking about those who didn’t choose it because it goes on to say, “…and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” So, parents, take encouragement. If you have a child that was raised and they decided, no, I’m going to walk a different way.

If you train them up, believe the verse. At some point, those things that mom and dad said will start to make a lot more sense. Okay, back to the New Testament. Ephesians chapter six. Ephesians chapter six, and we’ll start in verse one. Ephesians six, one, “Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right, honor your father and mother, which is the first command with promise, that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth.” So you obey your parents you live long, partly because it’s a promise from God, but partly because you’ll make less bad decisions.

I could think most of the bad decisions I made growing up were ones that weren’t the decisions my parents would’ve been making or told me to make or knew that I made. So that has multiple facets to that promise. Verse four, “And you fathers provoke not your children to wrath.” Don’t get your kids angry, fathers, mothers too, “…but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Fathers, it’s speaking to you, you have to nurture your children. Loving, caring, kind, that’s not mom’s job, it’s her job too, but it’s not solely hers. Fathers have to nurture. And fathers, we are a little bit more hot under the collar, our buttons are easy to be pressed.

I am a pretty mellow human being. I always have been, kind of laid back, and my approach on most things, I am amazed at buttons that can send me from zero to a hundred that I never had any idea that I had until there was a threefold cord. And suddenly I think, wow, I got mad quickly there. And I think, fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. Fathers, don’t get wrath either, but nurture and care and love because it’s wonderful and it’s trying, it’s parenting. Let’s go back to Colossians chapter three. Again, remember this point is children enhance a godly marriage, Colossians chapter three, a couple of verses here.

Verse twenty reads, verse twenty of Colossians three, “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” We saw why, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger...” Similar word, “...lest they be discouraged.” Two things here. If you’re prone to angry and you beat your kids down, they’re going to do one of two things. They’re going to get discouraged, they’re going to be that proverbial church mouse or they’re going to start to have the same reaction to you. They’ll be angry and fiery and fight back. Fight fire with fire. You can’t do either.

That’s why we as fathers, as it says, nurture. It doesn’t mean you don’t correct or spank or have standard. No, no, it means you work with your children to build them up like you would have God do with you, anything, a situation. We try to imitate that in our lives because, again, last of that point five, children enhance a godly marriage. A warning.

Children don’t fix problems in marriages. It’s less common in the Church, but often, you will see people have kids to paper over marriage problems, and that doesn’t work once you have kids and realize, wow, that was a terrible decision because it makes life more difficult, more complicated, more stressful, more needs. They won’t fix problems. If there’s problems in a marriage, and we’re going to get into that now, then those need to be fixed before you decide to have children. Focus on and correct them, and then do the things that are part six, each partner, number six here, each partner has roles and responsibilities.

Two passages in the New Testament lay almost all of this out. So we’ll just look at those. Turn to Ephesians chapter five. Each partner has roles and responsibilities. Unlike the popular perception is there no genders or no difference between gender or marriages are 50/50 or whatever cliche that this modern world’s thought out, God’s very specific about the roles he expects of husbands and what he expects of wives. Ephesians five, start in verse seventeen. Verse seventeen, “Therefore, be you not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.” This set it up. Okay. We need to learn and understand what is the will of God. Jump down to verse twenty.

Verse twenty reads, “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submitting yourselves one to another...” Interesting, because the next verse, we’ll finish the verse here, “…one to another in the fear of God. Submitting yourself one to another in the fear of God.” Wives, unless we just jumped into a completely different context. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord.” So, does that mean do we just read in verse twenty-one that husbands and wives are equal and they both have the submission position? That expression? No, of course not.

Continue on, it’ll set it up, but it means submit, subjugate, care about, think about, focus on each other. Because if you keep reading the context above, it applies to more than just husbands and wives. It applies to all of us, why the contentions were happening, because it said, this is what you should do with other human beings, but how much so with your husband and wife? Thinking about other people. Remember, that’s why so much about having a good marriage is what we did before we were married. Focusing on other people. Helping other people.

Verse twenty-two. “Wives…” again, “…submit yourselves to your husbands as unto the Lord.” So women, you are to look at your husband like their Christ. That’s a pretty high bar. That’s, depending on the situation, tough. But continuing on, “…for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.” Again, it’s not softening the analogy at all, and he is the savior of the body. “Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything.” That is not a popular sentiment in today’s society, that women are submissive to their husbands. No one ever.

It’s a little bit, this is how society affects you, all of you, and me too, a little bit when I say it, the hair on my neck stands up a little bit like, can I say that? Because we’re so used to what society has conditioned us to think and muddy the differences between men and women. But fellas, your spouses can’t look at you like that unless you’re behaving like Christ. Unless you are leading, you can’t have someone subjugate themselves or submit themselves to someone else when that someone else isn’t leading. Nature abhors a vacuum.

Without leadership, that forces the wife to step forward and lead, which is not what God designed women to do. They can be leaders and powerful. Deborah, go look at the Bible. But in the marriage relationship, that’s not how he created husbands and wives. But if the husband doesn’t lead, he forces her to do that. He forces the church to control Christ, which is why there are so many splinter groups out there because the Church thinks they’re in charge, not the other way around. Verse twenty-five, continuing here, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.”

So ladies, yes, it’s tough, you think, okay, in this modern society, the feminist world we grew up in, it’s hard to swallow that I need to be submit to my husband. So yes, that isn’t easy, it’s depending on the husband, but you kind of got the better end of the stick, just saying, because your husband has to behave like Jesus Christ to you. He has to be willing to die for you. Husbands, can you say that’s what you would do? Would you be willing if the situation came, we have to be, that you would die for your spouse? You would die for your wife? That’s a godly marriage. Remember, church, Christ, that’s the standard that’s expected.

That’s what happens when a proper marriage in God’s way how it comes to be. Verse twenty-six, “That he might sanctify Christ and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church.” So remember, wives, you’re the church, the husbands are Christ in this example, going back and forth. So it tells you a lot about how each person should be in that relationship, “That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or such thing. And it should be holy and without blemish.” So, ladies, you’re thinking, “Wow, more skin cream.”

No. Without blemish of character, without spot of character, having all of the aspects of your character, because that’s what the church matters. Of course, we want to dress nice and look nice and all those things that go with it, but it’s our character that matters. And that’s why to be ready for marriage means you’ve been preparing and living this way of life for a long time. Okay. Verse twenty-eight, “Men love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself, for no man has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.” Continuing on here, “Even as the Lord, the church.”

Remember, this does not get softened at any point comparing wives to the church and husbands to Christ, for we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. Verse thirty-one, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh.” Remember, we read that before. Now this is the context, the setup for what it continued on. “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ in the church.” Verse thirty-three, “Nevertheless...” Okay, so summarizing here. “...let every one of you in particular sow love his wife, even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

You know what that word is? phobeō. Remember, we read earlier that we are to fear God and husbands set up that marriage relationship. We should look at the church, we should look at Christ and the fear of God. This says, wives, you should fear your husband, phobeō. It means awe like the fear of God. It’s not he hits you and you fear Him. That’s evil. But this is fear as in reverence, awe, of the person who looks at you and is willing to die for you. Those are high standards.

It’s not just a legal binding contract that God expects couples in His way of life. No, a marriage is so much more, so much more important. Okay, let’s look at the other passage in First Peter three, First Peter chapter three. And we’ll start in verse one, First Peter three, one. “Likewise, wives be in subjection to your own husbands that if any, obey not the word, they may without the word...” This is a little awkward. So basically, those who are outside the Church, if they don’t have the word, so, wives, be in subjection to your husbands, so if any not in the Church see you, they’d be one by your behavior or conversation or conduct of the wives.

So your behavior as a wife in God’s way of life, actually, creates an example of how wives should act to those who don’t live this way of life because it blows their mind that you could be in subjection, submissive, or submit to your husband and be happy. So when they see that, it rattles their minds. What? And then it points to the God who created the institution.

Verse two, “While they behold your chase conversation or conduct behavior coupled with fear, whose adorning let it not be on the outward adorning of plating the hair and wearing of gold and putting out of apparel.” We should look nice, we should dress well. But that’s not the focus. “But let it be hidden man of the heart, which is not corruptible, even the ornament of the meek and quiet spirit.” Which is in the sight of God, of great price. It’s more character attributes.

“For after this mandarin old time, the women also who trusted in God adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands.” Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, I remember I keep telling you stories about my marriage. She does call me Lord in the household. She doesn’t call me Lord. That was the most awkward laugh I think I’ve ever heard from the pulpit.

Continuing on here, “...whose daughters you are as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement.” Verse seven, “Likewise, you husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as the weaker vessel and also being heirs together.” Remember, counterparts aids together “…of the grace of life.” And a good marriage does what? This is amazing. God just slips this in. If you have a good marriage, “your prayers will not be hindered.” If you both fulfill the role God set out for you, I do, my wife does, husbands and wives do, prayers will not be hindered. Okay.

Number seven. Number seven, marriages show real love at very specific times. Marriages show real love at very specific times. And here’s a key to it. Go to Hebrews chapter thirteen. Hebrews chapter thirteen. And just one verse here, verse sixteen, Hebrews thirteen, sixteen. “But to do good and to communicate, forget not, for with such sacrifices, God is well pleased.” For marriages to work, that verse is about as fundamental as any other verse I could quote in the entire Bible.

Couples who communicate, work through problems, situations, difficulties, triumphs, all the aspects, when one is able to say to the other the things that they need to hear. I’ll use the example, the advice I got early in marriage from Mr. Pack. I remember standing over at the old building. My wife and I had just been married and he said to both of us, individually, we’re both standing there. He said, “You will help your husband if you tell him...” or he said it to me first, “...you will help your wife if you will tell her the things she needs to hear, not what she wants to hear.” What she needs to hear, with love and kindness and it was expounded upon.

Then he looked over to her and said the same thing. He said, “It’s going to be harder for you because you’re trying to say this to your husband.” And she listened. And I don’t say that tongue-and-cheek or as a joke. The first few times I remember she was in tears. She’s like, I wanted to say something and it’s hard for a woman to do that. It’s up to us husbands to make sure we make it easier for them to do it. And husbands, it’s important for you to say the things they need to hear.

If you, husbands and wives... This is really to those that are married and both are in the Church... If you want to stay in God’s way, if you want to see that person across from you that you live with, and share feelings and thoughts and things with, succeed, tell them the things they need to hear in a loving, caring, and kind way. It doesn’t matter what it is, because what happens is it ensures both of you stay on the correct path. Both of you walk this Christian walk the way you should, because if you just placate your spouse, if they get offended about something or... it doesn’t matter what it is, and you placate them, you’re not helping them. You’re not husbands being like Christ.

Wives, you’re not honoring your husbands if you’re not helping them, supporting them. Remember, God created you as an aid, a helper. That’s how you show real love when you communicate and say the things that need to be said, because character’s not created like any test when it’s easy. If it’s easy and you’re having a happy day, it’s a wonderful Sunday, whatever you’re working on. No, no. It’s difficult. It’s you try each other when there’s a fight or there’s an argument or there has to be correction or absorption or exhortation or something that requires you to say the things you need to say and what they need to hear. Of course, you do it again.

I say it over and over again because, husbands, we have to be careful because it’s easy for us to become more angry. And then, wives, it’s harder to listen, isn’t it? And husbands, it’s easy for us to have pride when our spouse points out something if we’ve not created an environment where she can. Wives, don’t get too good at it, because then your husbands won’t want to hear it, but do it with love and you will build each other up. You will be more effective. I would not be standing here today giving this sermon without that advice, because you can build each other up in ways that you can’t do alone. It’s impossible, but only if you say what needs to be said.

Let’s go to Colossians three. Start to wrap up here. Colossians chapter three and verse eighteen. Verse eighteen reads, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands as it is fit in the Lord. And husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them.” That’s funny translation. And it means do not treat them harshly. So husbands, remember, in love, it’s just like with children, you don’t want to build them to wrath. Do not treat them harshly.

Okay. Final point here. Successful and happy marriages have sex, that’s plain as it is. God created it for a purpose. Go to First Corinthians chapter seven. First Corinthians chapter seven. Communication, talk, planning, work. This is just as integral of making a marriage happen. Remember, they became one flesh.

First Corinthians chapter seven and verse one. Verse one reads, “Now concerning the things thereof you wrote unto me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman, nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband, get married. Let the husband render unto his wife due benevolence.” The most hilarious version of a word that the King James authors tried to downplay in the Bible, “Due benevolence.”

It’s actually in euphemism, which is funny enough, it’s a euphemism that means conjugal duty. It’s can know, but the actual definition of it, this is fascinating, but let’s finish the verse before I finish up there. “And likewise, also the wife and to the husband.” So both are responsible for doing that in marriage. It’s important. It’s critical. The word actually means kindness. It’s a euphemism for sex inside marriage, but kindness?

Again, fellas, that puts perspective on how our relation should be inside the bedroom. Continue on to verse four. “The wife has not power of her own body but the husband, and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body but the wife.” In effect, each of us owns the other person’s body. “Defraud not one another, except it be with consent for a time that you may give yourself to fasting and prayer and come together again that Satan tempts you not for your consistency in effect, or incontinence.” You know what it means if you can’t control your bladder? Bladder incontinence means you can’t control yourself.

In this case, it means if you don’t come together in marriage, you’re opening the door for adultery because you’re not doing it on a regular basis and following God’s commandments. Hebrews thirteen. Hebrews chapter thirteen and we’ll start in verse one. Hebrews thirteen and verse one. “Let brotherly love continue. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unaware. Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them, and with them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body.” So, remember each other’s body in the Church of God and Body of Christ.

Verse four. “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” What that’s saying is the bed is undefiled. What it’s also saying is what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. In a proper godly marriage, there’s not locker room talk. That doesn’t exist. That’s between the husband and the wife. That means ladies don’t talk about it. Men don’t talk about it. It’s between the husband and wife. It’s a bond of trust that the two half because it’s part of that covenant that we discussed earlier. Brethren, we can go back to the very beginning of this message and look at those stats again.

The world’s view of marriage is a mess, but God puts it as a pivotal element of his plan. It’s a core aspect of Christianity he created when he created people. So, take the time. If you aren’t married, start living every second you have to live this way of life to be ready for marriage. If you’re married, in the Church, if your spouse is in or out, focus on the institution. Focus on what God has established and what it means. Prioritize our growth to help and build each other.

Take on, embrace, and fulfill the roles that God established within marriages for husbands and wives. Cultivate open, honest communication. Demonstrate that through conduct with each other. If you focus, if I focus, if we all do on these principles, society won’t skew our view of marriage. We’ll build marriages that reflect what God expected us to do and then we’ll be able to be as in proper marriages, part of the ultimate marriage when Christ marries the Church.